Olympus Weekly? Not Anymore!
by silentwolf111
Summary: 4th fic in the 'Not Anymore' series. What do you get when you mix 12 all-powerful Olympians with a newspaper read by all of Olympus? If you guessed total chaos, you are correct. Fasten your seatbelts, folks: we're taking freedom of speech to a whole new level.
1. Prologue

**A/N: I'm baaaaaack! Did you guys miss me? Wait, why am I even asking? Of course you missed me. :)**

**Anywho, here's another haiku-disclaimer:**

_**Once again, I'm not**_

_**a boy so of course I'm not**_

_**Mister Riordan.**_

**Ah, the sad but honest truth. Now, let's get things started, shall we?**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

_AND NOW, PROUDLY PRESENTING..._

_OLYMPUS WEEKLY? NOT ANYMORE..._

**PROLOGUE**

**ATHENA'S POV**

_Should I or should I not?_

The question had been lingering in my head for quite some time now. I had been formulating a brilliant idea, but was still unsure about whether I should share it or not. I mean, the idea was a great one; after all, it _was_ created by the goddess of wisdom herself. But there are some flaws to the plan… oh, I just don't _know!_

I sat in the throne room listening to the other gods quarrel, debating in my head whether or not I should share my brilliant plan.

"So… what now?" Ares said.

"We really have nothing fun to do except torturing mortals," Zeus said.

"Like Peter Johnson!" Dionysus added, eagerly smiling.

For once, I agreed with him. Sadly, Poseidon didn't.

"_No,_" he said, shooting a stern glance at Dionysus.

Suddenly, Poseidon's face lightened up.

"Instead, we should choose a more suitable target to torture," he said. "Like Athena's child, Annabeth. Or, better yet, Athena herself!"

I sat up stiffly. I decided I was going to share my idea after all. Besides, it's much better than anything _he_ can come up with.

"Kelp Head," I warned. "You will _not_ torture my daughter. Much less me, although a task like that would be too much for someone like you to handle."

Poseidon backed off reluctantly. Trust me, he knows the consequences that result from making me mad.

"However," I offered. "I have an idea that I've wanted to share with you all for quite some time."

"We're listening," Poseidon said.

"As you all know, I am the official writer and editor of Olympus Weekly," I stated.

"Go on," Zeus urged.

"And I was thinking of expanding it, sort of like Hephaestus did with Hephaestus TV."

The gods leaned in, waiting for me to continue.

"So," I said. "I thought it would be a good idea if you each submit article ideas. It would add a whole new perspective. Eleven new perspectives, actually…"

Everyone thought about this for a while.

"I like it," Poseidon said.

"Yeah, sounds great!" Hermes agreed.

"All in favor?" Zeus said.

Not surprisingly, everyone raised their hand.

"Very well," I said, new ideas already forming in my head. "We must get started right away; oh, there's so much work to be done!"

"Meeting dismissed!" Zeus announced.

I watched the gods file out of the room, already chatting eagerly about new article ideas. I've said it once, and I'm sure I'll say it again many, many times: _I am a genius._ Olympus Weekly is sure to take off now, and it's all thanks to my amazing plan.

But something still feels… _wrong_. I've trusted my fellow Olympians with something that should be handled delicately, for all of Olympus is going to read it. Hopefully they handle it well; after all, some gods could get a little carried away with this.

Oh, who am I kidding? This is going to be great! Besides, 12 all-powerful gods having the right to say whatever they want about each other won't cause any problems, right?

* * *

**End note: So, what do you think? Reviews are totally appreciated!**

**Oh, and something I forgot to say in my A/N above:**

**HAPPY LEARN ABOUT BUTTERFLIES DAY, NATIONAL POTATO CHIP DAY, PI DAY, AND POPCORN LOVERS DAY! (MARCH 14)**

**For those of you who don't know, I usually include wacky holidays in my A/Ns. I'm just weird like that. :P**


	2. Issue I

**A/N: Hey guys! Wow, this took a while to write, since I had to figure out how I was going to organize this. So, I'm going to have an issue of OW, then write some stuff in the gods' POVs like I usually do. :P **

**HAPPY EVERYTHING YOU THINK IS WRONG DAY, IDES OF MARCH, INCREDIBLE KID DAY, AND DUMBSTRUCK DAY! (MARCH 15)**

**That's about it! I don't own anything but the plot! Enjoy!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE I

* * *

Letter from the editor:

Hello, everyone. I have a very important announcement to make, so pay close attention. Last week, the council made a unanimous decision to become involved with this newspaper, instead of having me write and edit every article. This means that several of the articles you will read from now on will be written by my fellow Olympians (with my approval, of course). Enjoy, if possible. That will be all.

Sincerely,

Athena

* * *

**PARTY AT MY PLACE!**

_Written by Dionysus_

Everyone on Olympus is invited! Guaranteed a good time! There will be drinking, fun, games, drinking, and more drinking! So come on down Friday night! Mortals need not show up. Or else.

**_12 Comments for "Party At My Pl…" _**

Hermes: I'm there!

Zeus: Same! Wouldn't miss one of Dionysus's parties, that's for sure.

Party Pony 1: WOOOOOO! PARTY PARTY PARTY!

Chiron: Oh, dear gods. I know where I'm not going to be Friday night.

Artemis: A bunch of men running around acting like drunken idiots. Blech.

Apollo: Oh, come on, Arty! It'll be fun!

Artemis: My word remains final. I'm not going.

Athena: Neither am I.

Hera: Or I.

Poseidon: You women are no fun.

Athena: Compared to you men? You're the ones who are all excited to get drunk.

Dionysus: And why shouldn't they be? Wine is life. Life is wine.

Apollo: …Whoa. That's deep. And extremely poetic. There is hope for you yet, my friend.

Dionysus: Why, thank you.

Hephaestus: Wait a minute… aren't you only allowed to drink Diet Coke?

Dionysus: Uh, er... I think Peter Johnson just, uh… fell in a well. Got to go dig him out, bye now!

* * *

**PERSEUS JACKSON FALLS IN WELL**

_Written by Hermes_

It was a peaceful day at Camp… until the one and only son of Poseidon took a _splash_; literally! Young Perseus "Percy" Jackson fell down the Camp's well and had to be pulled out by an angry Dionysus. Why did he fall in, you ask? We interviewed Percy and his girlfriend Annabeth Chase for more answers.

"Please go away," the young hero said when questioned about the little accident. "You're invading my privacy."

Annabeth, however, gave us more useful information about the subject.

"Seaweed Brain here saw something shiny in the well and just had to see what it was," she replied while shooting a stern look at Percy.

But the couple resolved their little argument with a kiss shortly after. Ah, young love. It has its ups and downs, but it's all worth it in the end, right?

**_11 Comments for "Perseus Jackson Fal…"_**

Zeus: The Camp has a well?

Athena: More importantly, Dionysus wasn't lying?

Dionysus: Of course not. Why on Earth would I do such a thing?

Ares: Haha. Punk got what he deserved. About time.

Poseidon: Wha-?! Ares, how could you say that?! That wasn't funny! Oh, thank the gods Percy's all right!

Aphrodite: *giggles* Well, it was a little funny.

Hephaestus: It's more sad than funny. My children would have been able to get out of a well easily. They are very resourceful, much like their father.

Artemis: What I find ironic is that the savior of Olympus was defeated by nothing more than a hole in the ground. I mean, he actually had to ask _Dionysus_ for _help_.

Athena: I'm surprised Dionysus actually helped him.

Dionysus: *grumbles* I should have left him in there. I don't know what I was thinking.

Poseidon: Well, thank you anyway.

Dionysus: You aren't welcome.

Poseidon: Whatever. At least Percy's safe.

* * *

**APOLLO'S SONG OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

Oh, her eyes, her eyes make the stars look like they're not shining! Her hair, her hair falls perfectly without her trying! She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day…

**_10 Comments for "Apollo's Song…"_**

Hermes: Yeah, I know, I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me. And it's so, it's so sad to think that she don't see what I see. But every time she asks me do I look okay? I say…

Artemis: ?

Aphrodite: When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change. 'Cause you're amazing, just the way you are!

Artemis: Excuse me?

Ares: And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while…

Zeus: 'Cause you're amazing, just the way you are!

Artemis: I don't get it.

Zeus: Tsk, tsk. What a shame. My own daughter knows nothing of mortal songs.

Apollo: Yeah, get modern, Arty.

Artemis: *sighs* Stupid mortal music.

* * *

**ADVERTISEMENT TIME!**

_Written by Ares_

Ever gotten so mad you just wanted to blast someone until they are fried to a crisp? Well, now you can, with an all-original Zeus's Master Bolt! Crafted by the Cyclopes themselves, this godly weapon is capable of mass destruction, perfect for those of you who really want to release your fury on innocent mortals. There's only one in stock, so order soon! Only 1 million drachmas!

**_19 Comments for "Advertisement Tim…"_**

Zeus: ARES!

Hermes: I'll take it. But can I make an annual contribution instead of paying for it all at once? I'll make sure to pay you back by eternity.

Ares: As long as I get my money, I'm good.

Zeus: NO! It's MINE! GIMME!

Ares: Sorry, Dad, but the Bolt belongs to Hermes now.

Zeus: WHAT! You can't just sell something that isn't yours! How did you even get your hands on it anyway?!

Ares: *evil laugh*

Zeus: Give. Me. Back. My. BOLT!

Ares: Don't ask me! Ask Hermes.

Zeus: Hermes, give it back. Now. Before I destroy you all.

Hermes: Okay, fine. Got any other deals, Ares?

Ares: As a matter of fact, I do. Anyone interested in owning their very own original Poseidon's Trident?

Poseidon: Uh, yeah. I do. Because it's MINE.

Aphrodite: Wow, Poseidon, I never thought you were the jealous kind.

Poseidon: Jealous? Aphrodite, the trident belongs to ME. It's my signature weapon.

Ares: Not anymore! I just sold it to Zeus.

Zeus: Haha! YES! Now I control both the sea and the sky! Take that, brothers! Mwahahahahaha!

Hermes: *facepalm* Any more wise ideas?

Ares: Who here wants their own Hades's Helm?

* * *

**End Note: **

**Credit to Pineconeface7676 for the idea of the gods selling things that aren't theirs.**

**Oh, and I'm going to need as many suggestions as I can; one can never have too many ideas! So be sure to send me your ideas! I consider each one! :)**


	3. The Truth Hurts, Doesn't It?

**A/N: Hello again! So, not much to say today, except HAPPY SUBMARINE DAY AND SAINT PATRICK'S DAY! (MARCH 17)**

**Well, that's about it. :) Enjoy! **

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

**ZEUS'S POV**

"Stupid Hestia," I muttered. "Stupid sisters. Stupid family. I hate my life."

Hestia had made me give back Poseidon's trident after Ares had sold it to me. No matter how much I had tried to convince her that the trident was rightfully mine, she just _had_ to be all determined to keep the peace. Ugh.

Well, what now? I had already made plans to show off my new trident, but _some _people prevented that from happening. (cough*Hestia*cough)

Hmm, as long as I have some time on my hands, I guess I could try to write an article for Athena's newspaper. But about what? Something big and dramatic, that's for sure. After all, I am the king of the gods. Naturally, my article has to be the best.

I scanned the room looking for inspiration when my eyes finally rested on Hera sitting in her throne. That gives me an idea…

I crept up to her silently and tapped her shoulder.

"Hera, dear?"

She looked up at me.

"Go away."

I scoffed.

"Hera, I need to ask you a few questions."

"No."

I swear, if she weren't immortal, she would have been blasted to smithereens by now.

"Hera, please-"

"My answer is still no."

Again, if I had a nickel for every time I wanted to electrocute Hera, I would be the richest man alive.

"Okay, fine. I'll just go ask that pretty woman over there," I said, knowing this would get her attention.

Sure enough, Hera's expression immediately turned to one of disgust, and I was met with one of the fiercest snarls I had ever seen.

"Don't even think about it," she growled through clenched teeth.

"Then answer my questions," I said.

"Fine," Hera snapped. "What do you want to know? And make it quick."

"I want to know about your daily life."

Hera's expression softened. She raised an eyebrow and looked at me, obviously confused.

"Since when have you cared about my daily life?"

"Since now. So start talking."

"Why should I?"

"It's for my new newspaper article, _Life With Hera_. It's going to be the hottest new thing on Olympus Weekly. Which makes sense, because I'm the hottest god out there."

Hera rolled her eyes, but I could tell she looked slightly interested.

"_Life With Hera_, you say? Okay. Fire away."

I sat next to her and pulled out a pad and paper.

"So…" I began, tapping the pen to my lip. "What's life like?"

"Hmm," Hera said. "Where do I start? Oh yeah. Life for me pretty much involves spending every second of every day regretting that I married the most unfaithful god who exists. You want to know what life is like? Well, my life would be so much better without you in it. So you go tell _that _to all of Olympus."

I stared at her, my mouth hanging open. I tried to find the right words, but found that I couldn't.

"Ouch," was all I could say.

"You asked me to tell you about my life," Hera said. "And I told you the truth. Now go away."

I scowled at her.

"Hera, you are so, so… boring!"

If she cared, she didn't show it.

"That's nice. Now, if we're done here, why don't you go find something exciting to write about?" she said. "And I would prefer it if it doesn't have to do with me."

I crossed my arms.

"Not that you're any exciting," I mumbled under my breath.

Hera shot me a look.

"What was that, dear?" she inquired innocently.

"Uh, nothing! I was just ranting about how nothing exciting ever happens in Olympus."

Hera shrugged.

"That's too bad, isn't it? Olympus Weekly could really use some excitement. But, as you said, there's nothing exciting to write about. Oh well."

And with that, she got up from her throne and strolled out the door, leaving me alone in the throne room.

"Nothing exciting to write about, eh?" I said to myself, an idea formulating in my brain. "Why don't I just _give_ myself something exciting to write about? That will show her…"

* * *

**End Note: Coming up next: Issue II! **


	4. Issue II

**A/N: Hey guys! So, today is a pretty special day. HAPPY GODDESS OF FERTILITY DAY AND SUPREME SACRIFICE DAY! (MARCH 18) Let's all celebrate by making sacrifices to Aphrodite, Artemis, Demeter, Gaea, and Hera! I'll bet the most PJO-obsessed people reading this are going to try to burn food today. :P **

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE II

* * *

**HERA BLOWS UP**

_Written by Anonymous_

What started out as a friendly disagreement in the throne room turned out to be something ugly… all because the pathetic queen of the gods made the terrible mistake to annoy the most powerful and awesome god ever. So Zeus decided to punish his horrible wife for everything she ever did wrong by zapping her with a thousand lightning bolts until she exploded into a million pieces! But never fear, for the awesome Zeus quickly brought her back to life, and Hera was all, "OMG Zeusy, you are the best!" and Zeus was all "IKR." So then they all lived happily ever after, THE END!

_**15 Comments for "Hera Blows U…"**_

Poseidon: Can you get any faker?

Hephaestus: Nice try, Zeus, but that obviously didn't happen. But I wish it did.

Aphrodite: Well, that was exciting.

Zeus: Exactly what I- I mean, _Anonymous_ was aiming for.

Athena: Though it was a purely fictional story, I enjoyed it, except for that last sentence where Hera comes back to life. Zeus should have just left her in her destroyed state.

Artemis: What does IKR mean?

Hermes: I kiss rocks.

Artemis: … No comment.

Apollo: Haha, sis, you are _so_ gullible. It means 'I know, right?'

Artemis: *sighs* Mortals these days. So hard to understand with all their texting nonsense.

Ares: Hehe. I like it. But what's going to happen when Hera sees this?

Hera: Zeus…

Hermes: I bet she'll say "Zeus…"

Zeus: Yes, my a9py5be8hau 8yp

Zeus: Sorry about that. This is Hera. Don't worry, I've just given my dear husband a slight bruise to the head, that's all. Now you know never to mess with me, OR ELSE. You may all continue reading now.

* * *

**ASK APHRODITE!**

_Written by Aphrodite_

Hello everyone! Let me introduce you to _Ask Aphrodite_, the one and only place to get the best romance advice ever! Now, let's get started with the Q & A!

**Q:** Dear Aphrodite,

I have a major crush on this guy in my class. He's smart, funny, and REALLY cute! But the problem is that my parents say I'm too young to date! What do I do?

-Sad Lover

**A:** Dear Sad Lover,

Aww, that's too bad! In my opinion, no age is too young to date. But the answer to your question is simple; just lend the guy to me for a few years until your parents allow you to date! I'll take good care of him, and I'll give him back! Probably. I'm not making any promises.

-Aphrodite

**Q:** Dear Aphrodite,

What time should I pick you up today?

-Ares

**A:** Dear Ares,

7 is fine. Can't wait!

-Aphrodite

_**9 Comments for "Ask Aphrod…"**_

Artemis: Oh, you can't be serious. Why waste your time on something as shallow as love?

Athena: Agreed.

Aphrodite: Whoa, whoa. Love is totally NOT shallow!

Ares: You can say that again.

Hephaestus: Grrr. Ares. I don't like you.

Ares: Right back at ya, ugly.

Poseidon: Well, as long as you're offering love advice, how about I submit a question?

Dear Aphrodite,

What's it going to take for you to stop insisting that Athena and I would make a great couple?

-Annoyed Sea God

Apollo: Oooh! I got one:

Dear Aphrodite,

Why am I so flaming hot?

-The Most Awesome God

Note that that was in the form of a haiku.

Artemis: Please don't answer that. His ego doesn't need to get any bigger.

* * *

**APOLLO'S SONG OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

I'M A BARBIE GIRL, IN A BARBIE WORLD! LIFE IN PLASTIC, IT'S FANTASTIC!

_**Comments for "Apollo's Song O…"**_

Hephaestus: ?

Artemis: Oh my gods. Someone kill me now.

Ares: WOO! I love that song! COME ON BARBIE, LET'S GO PARTY!

Aphrodite: I don't know if I should be pleasantly surprised or scared out of my wits.

Hermes: This is my _jam_! YOU CAN TOUCH, YOU CAN PLAY, IF YOU SAY I'M ALWAYS YOURS!

Apollo: Heck _yes._

Poseidon: *facepalm*

Athena: What is _wrong_ with you all?

Hera: Too many things to list.

Artemis: Well, what do you expect? They are men… I think.

Apollo: Sis, I can assure you that we are 100% men.

Athena: So why are you singing a song meant for little girls (no offense, Artemis)?

Apollo: Wha-?! _Excuse_ me?! Barbie Girl is the manliest song out there! Right, guys?

Hermes: Of course.

Ares: If I like it, it's manly. Nuff said.

Artemis: Why do I even try?

* * *

**ATHENA'S MOVIE REVIEWS**

_Written by Athena_

This is kind of like the spotlight thing Hermes did in FanFiction, but with movies instead. This week, let's all share our thoughts on… DISNEY'S HERCULES!

_**26 Comments for "Athena's Mov…"**_

Hera: Hercules. Is. Not. My. SON!

Athena: Nor is he actually called "Hercules". The movie takes place in Greece, not Rome. Therefore Hercules should be referred to "Heracles".

Apollo: Hercules, Heracles, who cares! At least I look awesome. My sun chariot is an actual chariot, and my horses are freaking ON FIRE.

Artemis: Yeah, but you're purple. And have brown hair and brown eyes. And tons of muscles. Which is the exact opposite of what you actually look like.

Apollo: Oh, shut up. At least I made an appearance, unlike some people.

Artemis: Hmmph. They include every other god but me. I am highly offended.

Poseidon: You think that's offensive? I had a mermaid tail and FINS growing out of my HEAD.

Hermes: I was _blue_. And wore _hippie glasses_. Plus there's one scene where I was napping on a _cloud_. But at least I had some actual lines.

Athena: I was blue too, but they got the rest of me right. After all, I was the only one brave enough to whack Zeus's lightning bolt out of the way at the beginning of the movie.

Hephaestus: I was gray. A boring color. And since when am I the shortest god on Olympus?!

Ares: Actually, I was shorter than you, I think. But I don't really care, since I was red, the color of fresh blood.

Aphrodite: I was hot pink. And attractive.

Demeter: I was fat and green. Ew.

Hades: Okay, someone needs to tell Disney that I AM NOT EVIL. Nor is my hair MADE OF FIRE.

Zeus: Haha, you're evil. At least they got me right. I mean, did you hear my voice? It was _amazing._

Athena: Sorry, father, but they got a few things wrong about you too. For one thing, it said that you and Hera loved each other. And there's also the fact that your hair looked like George Washington in the 70's.

Zeus: Grrrrr. I'll get Disney back for this.

Artemis: Did you hear that the movie got turned into a TV series? I started watching them. The first one is about how Hercules drove Apollo's chariot and lost the sun. Hades almost got named ruler.

Apollo: WHAT?! First of all, I would _never_ let another child of Zeus drive my chariot again. Learned that lesson the hard way. *shudders*

Hades: YES! I almost got named ruler of Olym- wait, _almost_? Why _almost_?

Artemis: And did I mention that I have a southern accent?

Hermes: Hahahaha. Haha. Ha. Southern accent. You. That's funny.

Artemis: I want to destroy Disney.

Poseidon: Well, let's just try to forget that horrible movie and move on. You know, they made a movie about Perseus and the rest of us, and I heard that's supposed to be really good. Want to go see it?

Hermes: Yeah, sure. I mean, they can't possibly mess that up, right?

* * *

**End Note: Guess who discovered that Hercules has a TV show? Yeah, I spent almost all night watching (and ranting) about the show. Eh, but it's still not as bad as the TLT movie. Besides, Hercules is definitely my favorite Disney movie (excluding the more modern ones like Tangled, Princess and the Frog, Brave, etc.) What's your favorite Disney movie? Leave a review telling me!**

**One last thing: Credit to 7NationArmy, TheColorsOfTheRainbow and SpinningHyperCookie for Aphrodite's advice column. **

**:) Have a good rest of your Monday! **


	5. I Cannot Tell A Lie (Literally)!

**A/N: Hey guys! So sorry for the late update! It took me a long time to write this chapter.**

**Anyway... HAPPY NATIONAL CHIP AND DIP DAY AND NEAR MISS DAY! (MARCH 23) **

**For those of you who don't know, I get these crazy holidays from holiday insights dot com (remove the spaces and replace the dot). :)**

**Peace out, **

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

**APOLLO'S POV**

I snuck into the tent, trying my best to be as quiet as possible. I tiptoed over to where my sister was sleeping and knelt down beside her, slowly pulling the covers off her still body. I pulled a crumpled piece of paper from my back pocket and unfolded it, positioning it so that it looked like Artemis was holding the paper up. I swept a long, auburn strand of hair off her face and stood up to admire my work.

I heaved a sigh. Perfect.

I held up a camera and zoomed in so that the sign in Artemis's hands was clearly visible, making sure that her closed eyes were cut off from the picture.

I took a picture of my sister, snuck back out of the tent, and rode off into the sunset (or in this case, sunrise), my hair flowing in the crisp summer wind and the birds singing beautifully.

If you believed that story, then you clearly don't know me. Almost everyone knows that every time I try to get away with something Artemis-related, something just _has_ to go wrong. (Not that that stops me, though.) Anyway, here's what _really_ happened:

I positioned the camera just right and was about to press the shutter, when suddenly I realized that I had accidentally left the flash on. But by then, it was too late; my finger slipped and blinding light instantly filled the room. That's when all Hades broke loose. The bright light caused my sister to leap out of bed, her eyes narrowing as she scanned the room carefully. Naturally, the first thing she saw was me. And of course, the Hunters picked that moment to storm into the tent to check on her. To make a long story short, a dozen silver arrows were aimed at me in less than ten seconds.

"Hehe," I chuckled nervously, hiding the camera behind my back. "Whoops."

Artemis lowered her bow and growled at me.

"Brother, may I ask what you are doing here?"

"Uh, isn't it obvious? I'm visiting you."

She glared at me.

"And what was that bright flash of light that woke me up?" she questioned.

"Um, er…"

I am a terrible liar, and Arty knows it more than anyone else. Thankfully, Thalia saved me this time.

"Milady, he was probably just smiling at you, being the cocky self he is," she said, shooting me a disgusted look.

Artemis rolled her eyes.

"Yeah," I said. "That's what I was doing. Smiling at you."

To prove my point, I flashed one of my signature blinding smiles at her, causing her to wince.

"Would you stop that?" she muttered. "Ugh, you are so annoying, with all your surprise visits. Thank the gods there's no haiku this time."

I smiled again. No haiku, eh? We'll see about that.

"I feel a haiku coming on!" I exclaimed, holding my hands up.

Groans and whines spread through the room instantly.

Suddenly, Arty stopped groaning.

"What?" I demanded.

She pointed to my right hand. I looked, and immediately wanted to kick myself. Guess who had forgotten that they were hiding a camera from their angry sister?

"What is _that_?" Arty hissed, her eyes blazing.

"It's a camera, duh," I said.

"My gods," Thalia said. "She means, what are you doing with it? From the look on your face, it looks like you're trying to hide something."

"No!" I protested. "I'm not trying to hide _anything_."

"Swear it on the Styx."

I gulped. They had me there.

"I swear it on the… Dyx."

Arty raised an eyebrow.

"_What?"_

I wiped a bead of sweat off my brow.

"I said, I swear it on the… Nyx."

Thalia crossed her arms.

"Did you just say the _Nyx?_ Hate to break it to you, but there's no such thing."

"I know that!" I said, exasperated.

"Brother," Artemis said. "What are you hiding from us? Tell me."

"No thank you," I said, clutching the camera tightly.

Arty stretched out her hand.

"Give it," she demanded.

"No."

"_Right now."_

"You're not the boss of me."

"Apollo, just give it to me."

"No."

"ηλίθιος." _Idiot._

"Όχι, είσαι." _No, you are._

"αλαζονικό πλάσμα." _Arrogant creature._

Oh, it is _on._

"τρελό ζώων δολοφόνο των ανδρών που μισεί." _Crazy man-hating animal killer._

"_Γύρνα." Turn around._

I whipped around and cursed when I saw her. Thalia had somehow managed to grab the camera, and was currently browsing through my photos.

"No!" I screamed, lunging for the camera.

"Not so fast," a nearby huntress said, tackling me to the ground.

I was helpless, and could only watch as Thalia got to the picture I had taken of Arty, the very picture I had been trying to hide from her. Arty took one look at the sign she was holding in the picture, and handed the camera to Thalia.

"Destroy it," she commanded through clenched teeth.

Okay, that's it.

I pushed the huntress who had tackled me out of the way and snatched the camera from Thalia's hands.

"Sorry, sis, but this is _mine._" I said, running out the door.

"Come back here!" Arty shrieked, chasing me all the way back to my chariot. "Apollo, you better not show that picture to anyone! If anyone thinks I said such a thing, I swear-"

"Haha, sucks for you."

"ηλίθιε, αξιολύπητη δικαιολογία για έναν αδελφό!" _Stupid, pathetic excuse for a brother!_

"αντίο." _Goodbye._

I scrambled into my sun chariot and immediately rode away, laughing as I heard my sister screaming insults at me. Oh, I've waited so long for this! And when it goes on Olympus Weekly, everyone will finally know the truth…

* * *

**A/N: Up next: Issue III!**


	6. Issue III

**A/N: Hey guys! So, not that much to say today, except HAPPY MAKE UP YOUR OWN HOLIDAY DAY! (MARCH 26) Hmm, make up my own holiday? Okay. From now on, March 26 will officially be declared PERCABETH DAY! **

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE III

* * *

**PROOF APOLLO IS THE OLDER TWIN!**

_Written by Apollo_

I'll bet you did a double take when you read that title. Well, you read it right; Artemis finally accepted the fact that I am older than her! Don't believe me? See for yourself. Shown below is a picture clearly of Artemis inside her tent. Observe what is written on the sign she's holding: "_I, the goddess Artemis, officially declare that Apollo is my OLDER brother and I am his YOUNGER sister." _So, there's only one thing to say to the world… I TOLD YOU SO!

_**20 Comments for "Proof Apollo Is Th…"**_

Artemis: NOT TRUE! I am older than him!

Apollo: 

Sorry, little sis.

The evidence clearly shows

That _I_ am older.

Artemis: LIES! That evidence is FAKE! Everyone knows _I_ am the older twin!

Zeus: Here we go again.

Demeter: Haven't you two argued enough already?

Aphrodite: Wait, Artemis, what do you mean the evidence is fake?

Artemis: He snuck up on me when I was ASLEEP and placed the sign in my hands. I would know, since the bright flash of the camera woke me up.

Apollo: That doesn't prove_ anything._

Artemis: Gods, if I had known the picture was going to be shown to all of Olympus, I would have…

Hephaestus: You would have what?

Artemis: Let's just say that I would have, um… _taken care_ of the situation beforehand.

Hermes: Whoa… what's _that_ supposed to mean?

Artemis: Trust me, you don't want to know.

Apollo: Yes, I'm sure I don't want to know about your assassination plans, LITTLE sister.

Artemis: I'm going to kill you, LITTLE brother.

Apollo: Yeah, baby sis, I _know_. I'm the older god of oracles, much unlike my younger baby sister who is younger than me.

Athena: No one cares who's older! Give it a rest!

Apollo: Fine, fine. But only after Artemis agrees that I'm older.

Artemis: I will never do such a thing. Besides, it's Apollo who has to agree that I'm older.

Poseidon: You know what, we're not getting anywhere with this. Why don't we move on to the next article?

* * *

**ATHENA'S MOVIE REVIEWS**

_Written by Athena_

Three words: Percy. Jackson. FAIL.

_**19 Comments for "Athena's Mov…"**_

Aphrodite: MY EYES! THEY BUUUUUUURN!

Athena: They completely messed up my daughter. Annabeth is blonde. Plus, she's not all aloof. Nor is she constantly fighting with Percy, though I wish she were.

Poseidon: Okay, whatever happened to the part when I claimed my son? And since when do I build cabins? Or should I say… OPEN WALLED SHACKS?

Hephaestus: Ugh. And did you see our thrones? Simply pathetic. This is an insult to my handiwork.

Ares: They cut me out! And Clarisse!

Dionysus: I can't believe they cut out the director of the camp himself. Not to mention, I am the first god Peter meets. And do they mention that? Noooooo! Though I am somewhat happy they cut me out; I wish it could be that way in real life. Then I wouldn't be at Camp and Peter would be out of my life for good.

Poseidon: His name is _Percy._ Well, at least they got that part right.

Athena: Much unlike the rest of the movie.

Zeus: And wherever is Kronos mentioned? Nowhere!

Apollo: Yeah, that's bad and everything, but you want to know what I think is the worst? There's no freaking Oracle! The Great Prophecy doesn't even _exist_, all because they decided to use stupid 20 year olds! The entire main plot is totally ruined.

Hermes: And Luke isn't that bad of a guy! Nor would he be stupid enough to hide a stash of electronic devices at camp. That's just an instant death wish.

Hades: Once again, I am portrayed as ruthless and evil. I AM NOT EVIL! How many times do I have to say it?! But I must say, I do look hot.

Demeter: And I would just like to clear up that Persephone most certainly does NOT like to "take care" of satyrs. I can't believe they would say such a thing about her, my sweet daughter… Oh, and Hades, you are evil.

Hades: Am not.

Demeter: Are too.

Hades: I. Am. Not. Evil.

Demeter: Yes. You. Are. You. Pathetic. Death Brat!

Hades: That last one was two words.

Demeter: *screams in frustration*

* * *

**APOLLO'S POEM OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

That's right, guys! I have decided to spread the beauty of poetry around the world! You can thank me later. Anyway, this week's poem is _Jabberwocky _by Lewis Carroll! Enjoy!

_Jabberwocky_

_Twas bryllyg, and ye slythy toves__  
__Did gyre and gymble in ye wabe:__  
__All mimsy were ye borogoves;__  
__And ye mome raths outgrabe._

_**15 Comments for "Apollo's Poe…"**_

Poseidon: ?

Zeus: What the Hades?

Artemis: Brother, what exactly was _that?_

Athena: It must have been written by a child of his. It only makes sense.

Aphrodite: Are you kidding me?! It makes no sense whatsoever! I mean, what the Hades is a _mimsy_?!

Hermes: Hehe. _Mimsy._ That's a fun word to say. Mimsy mimsy mimsy mimsy mimsy!

Poseidon: Personally, I like "_wabe"_. It sounds like _wave_.

Ares: I like "_raths"_. It sounds like _wrath_, which leads to violence, which leads to war, which leads to WORLD DESTRUCTION!

Apollo: I like _"gyre" _because it sounds like _lyre_.

Artemis: I like _"gyre"_ because it sounds like _girl_.

Aphrodite: My favorite is _"borogoves"_ because it sounds like _wardrobe_.

Hephaestus: Um, not really.

Aphrodite: Oh, so you have a better word?

Hephaestus: _"slythy" _starts with an "s", just like "shut up" and "super annoying".

Aphrodite: Grrrrrrr.

* * *

**ASK APHRODITE!**

_Written by Aphrodite_

**Q: **Dear Aphrodite,

What do you think of the romance stories between you and Percy?

-A Curious Person

**A: **Dear A Curious Person,

Hmm… toughie. I guess I have mixed feelings about them. I mean, Percy's like totally cute! He's so adorable, the way he always makes mistakes and manages to blow things up left and right! One thing's for sure; he's my kind of guy. He's daring, good-looking, and soooo loyal! But… sadly, he's taken. And you can't mess with Percabeth. NEVER. Besides, Percodite doesn't flow as well.

-Aphrodite

**Q: **Dear Aphrodite,

Hi. My friends tease me about this guy I like and they think he likes me back. They said he was showing off in P.E. for me today but I don't believe it. But ever since then, people have thought that we're dating. I told him, and he started avoiding me. What should I do?

-BrownBeltNinja

**A: **Dear BrownBeltNinja,

Wow, it looks like you're in a tough situation. I would suggest one of two approaches:

Just talk to him. Ask him why he's avoiding you. Maybe he thinks it's awkward to date or something (Even though it's TOTALLY not. You can tell him I said that.) Boys are just like that, always hiding their true feelings from you. Or, if you're too shy to talk to him, you could just leave a little note in his locker or ask one of his friends to ask him. Whatever it takes to get the message across.

Threaten him to tell you why he's avoiding you. If he doesn't tell you, bring out your celestial bronze sword and just beat the Hades out of him. That'll teach him never to mess with you again.

-Aphrodite

_**19 Comments for "Ask Aphrod…"**_

Ares: I suggest that second approach. Nothing wrong with a little violence.

Poseidon: Okay, Aphrodite has a crush on my _son? _Anyone else find that a little wrong?

Hephaestus: Actually, it's not too surprising, since she crushes on every male she lays her eyes on.

Artemis: *gags* My gods, I think I'm going to be sick.

Poseidon: Well, it's not as bad as Zeus. He not only had a crush on his own sister, but he MARRIED her.

Zeus: *sighs* Oh, not this again. Brother, everyone knows we have a complicated family.

Hermes: That's the understatement of the year.

Hades: Yeah, but marrying your own sister? That's just plain wrong. I mean, what would happen if Artemis married Apollo?

Apollo: …

Artemis: Oh my gods. Oh my gods. OH MY GODS. HADES! YOU DARE SUGGEST SUCH A THING! I WILL _NEVER_, I REPEAT, _NEVER _EVER EVER EVER _EVER_ EVEN _THINK _ABOUT…. WHY, THAT IDEA IS SO PREPOSTEROUS... M-ME AND _HIM_… AAAAAUUUUUUGH.

Aphrodite: Aww, why not? Sibling romance can be very cute.

Artemis: !#(*&$%^$#*)#%

Apollo: Aphrodite… SHUT UP.

Hephaestus: Yeah, like that's ever going to happen.

Aphrodite: SQUEAL! Who here ships Apomis? Or is it Artollo?

Artemis: NO. NO NO NO NO NO. MUST I MAKE IT CLEARER?!

Aphrodite: Oh, come on. You know, deep inside your heart, that you have feelings for him!

Artemis: …Aphrodite, I am going to get you back for this. I swear, you will end up regretting this forever.

Apollo: Oooooh. Aph, you better brace yourself. When Arty's mad, bad things are sure to follow…

* * *

**End Note: Well, looks like Aph's in some deep water now. ;) So, what did you think? Be sure to leave a review! And HAPPY PERCABETH DAY! **


	7. The Revenge of an Angry Goddess

**A/N: Hey guys! Sooo... spring break finally started! YAY! :D Aah, it feels so good not having school for an entire week!**

**Anywho... HAPPY NATIONAL MOM AND POP BUSINESS OWNERS DAY AND SMOKE AND MIRRORS DAY (MARCH 29)! Wow, these holidays are getting crazier and crazier. Like, Wednesday (the 27) was NATIONAL JOE DAY. Anyone else find that a bit weird? **

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

**PERCY'S POV**

I stretched and yawned, swinging my feet over the edge of the bed. I rubbed my eyes and stood up, making my way over to the dresser. I pulled on a camp T-shirt and jeans, then proceeded to clean the cabin. I had cabin inspection with Annabeth at precisely 8:30, which gave me exactly ten minutes to make sure everything was neatly put away.

I made my bed, straightened the Minotaur's horn on the wall, and took a step back. Everything was perfect, except for the dirty pile of clothes in the corner of the room.

"Great," I muttered to myself as I scooped up the clothes.

Annabeth was coming over in less than 5 minutes, and I had no idea what to do with the dirty clothes. Well, it looked like I had no choice but to hide them. But where?

I gathered the clothes in a bag and stepped outside, looking around for a place to stash them. I wandered to the edge of the cabins and was seriously considering chucking the bag of clothes into the forest, when my eyes suddenly wandered to the canoe lake.

_Perfect._

I hastily threw the bag into the lake and ran back to Cabin 3, just as Annabeth came out of Cabin 2.

"Hey," she said. "Uh, where were you?"

"I was out."

Annabeth raised an eyebrow.

"Uh-huh… So, you ready for inspection?"

"I guess."

Annabeth and I went inside Cabin 3, and I held my breath as Annabeth closely examined the cabin.

"Not bad, Seaweed Brain," she said. "However, there is still room for improvement."

I groaned.

"What now?"

Annabeth handed me the clipboard and threw back the covers from my bed.

"It's obvious that you haven't changed these sheets in a week. Plus, the whole room smells like dirty clothes. I'll give you a 3."

"Oh, come on!"

"What? I'm just being realistic."

I huffed a breath and gave the clipboard back to Annabeth as we made our way to the other cabins.

"I've already checked the Demeter and Ares cabins," Annabeth said. "So that leaves Athena next."

We walked through the door of Cabin 6, Annabeth grinning proudly as she wrote a 5 on the inspection scroll.

"Wait," I said as I examined a bookcase. "These books aren't pushed in all the way. Make that a 4."

Annabeth rolled her eyes and scoffed.

"What?" I said mockingly. "I'm just being realistic."

"Seaweed Brain, let's just move on before I sock you in the face."

I knew better than to argue.

I followed Annabeth out the door when she suddenly stopped.

"What?" I asked.

"What the Hades is _that?_" she said.

I looked toward where she was pointing and gasped. The entire Aphrodite cabin was covered in some sort of paper; and it was everywhere. You could barely see the pink paint underneath.

We ran toward Cabin 10, and Annabeth ripped one of the papers off.

"_Join the Hunters,"_ she read. _"It's the best decision of your life."_

We were silent for a few seconds.

"So why exactly is there advertising to join the Hunters on _Aphrodite's _cabin? Everyone knows they aren't going to join," I said.

"Guess again," a voice behind me said.

We whipped around to find Piper looking at us, her face deathly pale.

"Piper," Annabeth started cautiously. "What do you mean 'guess again'?"

"I mean just that," she said. "Something's up with my siblings. I tried to convince them, but for some reason even the charmspeak didn't work. They're actually going to do it."

"Do what?" I asked, though I already knew the answer.

"Join the Hunters," Piper said, looking like she was going to throw up.

"_What?"_ Annabeth said. "All of them?"

Piper nodded.

Annabeth crossed her arms.

"I don't believe you."

"Then have a look," Piper said, gesturing toward the window.

We peeked inside, not fully believing what we saw. Every camper inside was swooning over the advertising, each chattering endlessly about the excitement of being a Huntress.

"No way," I said.

"Where are all the boys?" Annabeth questioned.

"Gone," Piper said. "Disappeared, just like that. Vanished without a trace."

We all sat down on a nearby bench to think.

"So," I said. "What do we do?"

"I don't know," Piper said miserably. "I mean, these are children of Aphrodite. They're not meant to swear off men forever. And they would never even think about joining the Hunters! I don't know what came over them… It's almost as if they're in some sort of trance."

"Then why didn't it affect you?" I asked.

"I don't know that either," Piper moaned, putting her head in her hands.

"Well," Annabeth said. "The only controlling force I know besides charmspeaking is magic. And I really see no reason for Hecate to do something like this."

"The only person who would do something like this is Artemis," I said. "Have you guys done something to anger her lately?"

Piper shook her head.

Suddenly, Annabeth sat up straight.

"You guys didn't do something to anger Artemis," she said. "But maybe your mom did."

"Maybe…" Piper said. "But what would she do?"

"I don't know," Annabeth said. "But it makes perfect sense. And Artemis must have somehow convinced Hecate to help her… it's the only explanation."

"And she must have hidden the boys somewhere," I added.

"That must be it," Piper said. "But I still don't know why I wasn't affected by the magic."

"Even I don't know that," Annabeth said. "But I do know one thing: Aphrodite's going to freak when she finds out about this."


	8. Issue IV

**A/N: Hey people! So, not too much to say today, but HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY, DYNGUS DAY, INTERNATIONAL FUN AT WORK DAY, AND INTERNATIONAL TATTING DAY (APRIL 1)!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE IV

* * *

**NEW HUNTERS RECRUITED**

_Written by Artemis_

That's right, everyone: my Hunters have become so popular that we got a cabin full of new recruits just yesterday. And just who are these new Hunters, you ask? Why, the whole Aphrodite cabin themselves! Surprisingly, though every one of the girls already had a boyfriend, they were all extremely eager to join… A wise choice, if you ask me.

_**24 Comments for "New Hunters Rec…"**_

Aphrodite: WHAT?! OH MY GODS. TELL ME THIS ISN'T REAL.

Artemis: I would, but sadly, I cannot tell a lie.

Aphrodite: YOU DID THIS, DIDN'T YOU?!

Artemis: Of course I did. And it looks like I did a pretty good job, too.

Hecate: Don't forget, I helped!

Artemis: Oh, yes, thank you so much, Hecate. That spell you put on them really did the trick. They had no choice but to listen to me. Well, _almost_ all of them listened…

Aphrodite: Wait… What do you mean "almost"?

Artemis: That one girl of yours, Piper? The spell backfired on her for some reason.

Athena: Oh, I think I know why. Her superior charmspeaking skills must have combined with Hecate's powerful magic, causing both to backfire upon themselves, and…*continues to give scientific explanation*

Aphrodite: Who cares? Jasper is SAFE! The romance continues!

Artemis: Yeah, but not for the rest of them. Don't worry, though: they'll have such fun in the Hunt. Besides, I'm doing the rest of the campers a huge favor by taking your children entirely out of their lives.

Aphrodite: YOU LITTLE BRAT!

Apollo: Hey! No one talks to my baby sister that way!

Artemis: For the last time, I am older than you.

Athena: Well, I, for one, am very proud of you, Artemis. Those girls have a bright future ahead of them now, all thanks to you.

Hera: Agreed. Now they won't have to deal with men betraying them left and right, like some husbands I know.

Aphrodite: Come on, Artemis! You _have_ to let them out of the deal! You can't ruin the love life of my children!

Artemis: Of course I'm not going to let them out of the deal. Once a Hunter, always a Hunter. Unless you want me to kill them…

Dionysus: YES!

Hephaestus: YES!

Aphrodite: NO!

Artemis: Well, I'm not one for killing innocent maidens anyway. Oh, and I'm not ruining their love life; I'm simply taking it away.

Aphrodite: THAT'S EVEN WORSE! And what happened to all the boys?! You haven't done anything with them, have you?

Artemis: *evil laugh*

* * *

**NEWS FROM THE HUNT: SPECIAL EVENT PLANNED FOR CAMP VISIT**

_Written by Artemis_

When the Hunters visit Camp this upcoming week, the campers are going to be in for a special surprise: instead of a traditional game of Capture the Flag, the Camp will be hosting its first ever man-hunt! And who better to use as prey than the manliest men at Camp, also known as… the Aphrodite boys! Get ready, demigods; you're in for a heap of fun.

_**13 Comments for "News From The Hu…"**_

Aphrodite: ARTEMIS! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!

Artemis: You do realize that's not possible, right?

Aphrodite: STILL, I'M GOING TO SEND YOU TO TARTARUS UNTIL YOU ROT! THEN, THEN I'M GOING TO TAKE YOUR REMAINS AND LET _THEM_ ROT, AND… *continues to rant*

Hermes: …Wow.

Ares: Violent much?

Athena: A man-hunt, eh? I approve. But are you sure the Aphrodite boys are the manliest men at camp?

Artemis: No, that was sarcasm.

Athena: Ah, I see.

Apollo: Besides, the manliest men at camp are _my_ kids.

Poseidon: Nonsense. Perseus is ten times more manly than your kids will ever be.

Hephaestus: Only ten times? My kids are 100 times more manly than anyone else at Camp!

Ares: Whoa, whoa. Guys, I think we all know that my kids are the manliest in the whole _universe_. Even the GIRLS.

Hermes: …Well, he's got you there.

* * *

**APOLLO'S SONG OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

I remember when we broke up, the first time. Saying, "This is it, I've had enough," 'cause like, we hadn't seen each other in a month, when you said you needed space. What?

_**21 Comments for "Apollo's Song O…"**_

Ares: Then you come around again and say, "Baby, I miss you and I swear I'm gonna change, trust me." Remember how that lasted for a day? I say, "I hate you," we break up, you call me, "I love you."

Hermes: Ooh, we called it off again last night, but ooh, this time I'm telling you, I'm telling you…

Artemis: We are never ever ever getting back together, weeeeeeee are never ever ever getting back together, you go talk to your friends, talk to my friends, talk to me, but weeeeeee are never ever ever ever getting back together!

Aphrodite: Like, EVER.

Apollo: Wait, Arty… you _know_ this song?

Artemis: And why wouldn't I? It's one of the wisest songs those mortals have come up with. The girl actually makes a good choice. Though I don't see why she got with the boy in the first place…

Athena: I couldn't agree more. This is one of the only songs I approve of.

Artemis: Yes. This Taylor Swift girl is very wise. She's actually worth listening to, unlike some of those other mortal who ramble on about how falling in love is the best thing ever.

Apollo: Uh, sis? You know she also wrote songs called "Love Story" and "You Belong With Me", right?

Aphrodite: Duh! They're, like, some of the cutest songs ever!

Artemis: Okay, I take back what I said about Taylor Swift. If Aphrodite likes her, then she's obviously not worth my time...

Apollo: Arty, in your opinion, no artists, immortal and mortal alike, are worth your time.

Artemis: Exactly. Thank you for finally understanding.

Apollo: ...I'll try not to take offense to that. After all, being the GOD of music, I have fathered many talented artists.

Artemis: Oh, the artists got their talents from you? That explains so much.

Apollo: Hey! You wish you could be as awesome as me.

Artemis: No, I don't.

Apollo: Ha! You admitted I was awesome.

Artemis: I have said this many times before, but I will say it yet again: Brother, SHUT UP.

Apollo: Like that's going to happen. You know you can't silence me!

Artemis: Unfortunately.

* * *

**POSEIDON'S DIY TUTORIALS**

_Written by Poseidon_

In this issue: How to Become Ruler of the Seas!

Well, I'll bet you're all wondering what it takes to be the ruler of the seas. Believe it or not, it's actually easier than one might think. To rule the seas, just follow these 4 simple steps:

1: Be awesome.

2: Hate Athena with all your guts.

3: Own a totally awesome trident.

4: Give up. There's only one ruler of the seas; ME!

_**16 Comments for "Poseidon's DI…"**_

Artemis: Oh, you can't possibly be serious.

Demeter: Really, brother?

Athena: Pathetic, simply pathetic. Who would want to be like _him?_

Poseidon: Awesome people. And you're obviously not one of them.

Athena: Oh, please. Wisdom beats water powers any day.

Zeus: Yeah. Plus, ruling the seas is nothing compared to ruling the heavens.

Hades: And ruling the heavens is nothing compared to ruling the entire Underworld.

Poseidon: Excuse me? My powers are much better than yours.

Zeus: Brother, you are sadly mistaken. Everyone knows my powers are the best.

Hades: Nonsense! My powers are _so _much better than anyone else's.

Poseidon: No way. My powers are-

Demeter: Just stop already! No one's powers are better than anyone else's. You each got one realm. Your powers were assigned equally, remember?

Zeus: Well, maybe… but I'm still the best.

Athena: No, you're not.

Poseidon: For once, I agree with Athena; Zeus isn't the best. That would be me.

Athena: *sighs* Oh, forget it.

* * *

**End Note: Exciting announcement time: I now officially have 157 reviews for 7 CHAPTERS (Well, now 8)! That's an average of 22 reviews per chapter! WOW! Thank you guys sooooo much! I would hug you, but sadly I can't. So here's the next best thing: Virtual cookies! (::) (::) (::) You can pretend they're blue.**

**Oh, and one more thing: Credit to icecreamRULES for Poseidon's article idea.**

**P.S. Is it just me, or are these issues starting to get LONG? And I didn't even include an "Ask Aphrodite" this time... wow. :) **


	9. The Man-Hunt

**A/N: Hey guys! So sorry for making you wait so long; my parents planned a last-minute road trip that I had no idea about. :( But at least I'm here now! Let the updates continue!**

**So... HAPPY ALL IS OURS DAY AND DRAW A PICTURE OF A BIRD DAY! (APRIL 8) Okay, why exactly would they have a 'Draw a picture of a bird day'? Why not 'Draw a picture of a cat day' or, better yet, 'Draw a picture of your favorite book character day'? Seriously, people, create a holiday worth celebrating for once!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

**P.S. I rewrote the beginning of this chapter so it would make a little more sense and kinda explain the whole "Hunt" thing more. Let me know if you like it!**

* * *

**THALIA'S POV**

"Campers, listen up!" Artemis called. "I have an announcement to make."

Whispers flooded the campgrounds. Whenever a god or goddess visits, there's probably something wrong. However, this time things were a bit different.

"The Camp is having its first ever MAN-HUNT!" Artemis declared, a huge smile on her face. "And, for our vict- I mean, _bait_, we have none other than our very own Aphrodite boys!"

Cue jaw-drops here.

The Camp was completely silent for a few seconds as everyone took in what Artemis had just said.

"Um," Percy said, breaking the silence. "So what exactly do we do?"

"Easy," Artemis said. "Just hunt down the boys and give them to me."

"So we just barge in there and chase them with our weapons?"

"Yes," Artemis said. "I want those boys, dead or alive."

"Preferably alive," Chiron said quickly, shooting a nervous glance at Artemis. "Please don't kill them. The last thing we need to do is anger Aphrodite even more."

Artemis huffed.

"Very well. Don't kill them. But yes, you just have to intimidate them so that they will be scarred for li- I mean, _cautious_ forever. Do whatever it takes; just _hunt them down._"

"Uh," Annabeth said. "That doesn't sound like such a good idea."

"And what do you mean by that?"

"If we all just barge in there at the same time, the boys don't stand a chance. They'll be ripped to shreds."

"Exactly," Artemis said.

Chiron shot her a look.

"Fine," she said, rolling her eyes. "Rule change. I have hidden the boys somewhere in the woods. You will be divided up into two teams: campers and Hunters. Whichever team finds the boys and brings them back to their base first gets to decide the boys' fates."

"Fair enough," Chiron said. "Let the hunt begin!"

**_LATER..._**

"So," I said, turning to the Hunters. "We have been given a very important task by our lady. You want to win this thing, don't you? I mean, we get to do whatever we want with a bunch of bratty boys!"

They nodded.

"We'll need a strategy," I said. "Who wants to take offense?"

Not surprisingly, every Hunter raised her hand.

"Okay," I said. "How about this? Phoebe, take a group of about 5 or 6. Make a wide arc around Zeus's Fist, and cause a distraction. Try to attract as many campers as possible."

Phoebe nodded.

"Layla, you're in charge of defense. Have a team spread out around the campers' base, in case they manage to bring the boys back. Set as many traps as you can along the way. Just don't let yourselves be seen."

Then I turned to the remaining Hunters.

"Gwen, Janie, Laura: you guys will be the search party with me. We need to locate the boys quickly, and we'll need your alert eyes."

I heaved a sigh.

"Got it?" I asked.

The Hunters nodded simultaneously.

"Good," I said. "We should probably get ready. Chiron's going to be sending us off any minute."

Sure enough, we heard the shriek of a bullhorn in the distance.

"Sorry about that," Chiron's voice said. "Hunters, campers! Take your positions!"

We split up at our base, the three groups pointed in different directions.

"Get ready!"

I took a deep breath.

"Set!"

I gripped my bow tightly, my eyes scanning the woods for a clear path.

A conch horn sounded. The game was on.

Immediately, we were off. I watched as Phoebe's and Layla's groups ran into the woods, and turned to my group.

"I'll take lead," I said. "Janie, cover our backs."

We took off into the woods, our eyes open for the Aphrodite boys. We ventured past row after row of thick foliage, avoiding several of the campers' traps (seriously, they were _way_ too predictable), when Gwen tapped me on the shoulder.

"There!" she said, pointing to a large tree.

And there, tied to the trunk, were all 5 of Aphrodite's sons. They sat on the floor, unconscious, their heads slumping against each other.

I exchanged my bow for a knife as I ran up to the boys and effortlessly cut them free.

"This was too easy," I said with a smirk.

Suddenly, I heard a piercing shriek behind me. I whipped around to find Laura dangling above us in a… _golden net?_

"Laura!" Gwen gasped as she and Janie rushed over to the net.

"Hold still," I said, dropping the boys and taking out my knife.

I began to saw through the golden chains, but to my horror, the thing just wouldn't cut.

"Great," I muttered. "Curse Hephaestus's nets. We'll never be able to get her out without help."

"That's kind of the point," a voice behind me said.

I turned around, and was met with a pair of sea-green eyes which were currently smirking at me.

"What's so funny, Seaweed Brain? We got here first."

Percy's smile was replaced with a scowl.

"Don't call me Seaweed Brain. And if you haven't noticed, Pinecone Face, you still haven't captured the boys yet. They're lying right there."

He pointed to the ground, and I smacked my forehead when I realized I had accidentally left the boys out in the open.

"And I'm going to get to them first," Percy said.

"I don't think so," I said, crossing my arms.

Percy lunged for the boys, but my reflexes were too quick. I quickly blocked him with my knife, not hesitating to give him a cut on the arm.

Percy narrowed his eyes.

"Oh, it is _on._ I say we go one-on-one, just you and me. You game?"

I cracked my knuckles.

"Bring it on."

I tapped my silver bracelet, causing it to spiral into Aegis. Percy automatically cringed, and I rolled my eyes. Seriously, when were people going to get past the Medusa head? I mean, it's not like it actually works. Though that would be highly useful.

Percy brought out Riptide, and we got into fighting stances.

"Go!" I yelled.

Metal struck metal as Percy swung Riptide with all his force. I blocked the attack with Aegis, then suddenly gasped.

"Annabeth!" I cried, putting a worried look on my face as I looked behind Percy's shoulder.

Percy's face paled.

"Wha-?" he said as he turned around, momentarily forgetting about the battle.

In a flash, I kicked Riptide out of his hands, smiling smugly as the sword clattered against the ground with a _CLANG_.

I twirled my knife in my hands.

"You are _too_ easy."

Percy scowled at me.

"Not cool, Thals. You scared me there."

"Well, I thought it was pretty good."

"Oh yeah? Watch this."

Percy stepped back and closed his eyes.

I laughed.

"What the Hades are you do- Oh, crud."

My voice died, for I knew I was in big trouble. Percy had a swirling cloud of water rising from behind him, and it was aimed straight at me. For the first time I examined our surroundings, and mentally facepalmed when I realized that we were right next to a lake. Note to self: It's not wise to surround your opponent with his element of power, especially when you're trying to kick his butt.

Percy summoned the water to rise, and I braced myself for the hit.

_FLOOOOOOSH!_

A powerful wave crashed over me, completely filling my lungs with water. I was thrown back 10 feet, coughing and gasping for air as I lay on the ground.

I got up slowly, my legs trembling from the force of the water.

"Nice try," I said. "But I can do better."

I closed my eyes and concentrated hard. Almost instantly, I felt a burning sensation inside me. My fingers tingled as if they were on fire, making me want to scream in pain. Instead, I directed all my energy toward Percy.

A lightning bolt flashed down from the sky, flinging Percy up into the air. He landed with a hard _THUD_, his hair sticking up wildly and the front of his armor singed black.

He lay there for a second, then stood up shakily.

"Well played, Pinecone Face," Percy said. "Well played."

"Thank you," I said, turning to leave. "Now, if you don't mind, I'll just take the boys and-"

I stopped mid-sentence when I realized that the boys weren't where I had left them on the ground.

"_WHAT?!"_ I cried.

Percy looked around, his eyes wide with disbelief.

"W-where did they…?" he said, confused. "They were just here a minute ago!"

Suddenly, it dawned on me that I hadn't seen the rest of my search team in a while. I quickly scanned the nearby forest. Sure enough, Janie and Gwen had disappeared, and Laura had somehow gotten out of the net. What was most surprising of all was that both Percy and I hadn't noticed.

But hold on… if my search party had disappeared along with the boys, then… could they possibly be in the same place? Maybe the girls took the boys back to our base while Percy and I were battling… and we were probably so into it that we didn't even notice! Yes, that had to be it!

I whooped with joy, causing Percy to raise an eyebrow at me.

"What?" he asked.

"I know where the boys are!"

"Where?" he demanded.

"At our base."

As if on cue, we heard a fanfare in the distance.

"The Hunters of Artemis win!" Chiron declared, a hint of annoyance in his voice.

Percy stared at me, gaping.

"Oh, come on!"

"Seaweed Brain, just admit it. We Hunters are, and always will be, better than you at Capture-the-_anything_," I said, offering him my hand.

Percy stuck his tongue out at me, but shook my hand anyway.

"Until next time," he said as he turned to go back to the campers' base.

I smiled as I watched him walk away. Well, our first man-hunt had been a success. Which meant that the boys' fates rested in our hands… This was going to be fun!

* * *

**End note: So, as you can probably see, that was more of a filler chapter. I wasn't originally planning on describing the man-hunt, but I got so many requests that I just had to do it! Sorry if it totally sucked; that really wasn't my best work. Oh well. I tried, right? :P**

**Coming up in the next chapter: What happened to the boys! Stay tuned!**


	10. Issue V

**A/N: Hello again! So, not too much to say today, but HAPPY GOLFER'S DAY AND NATIONAL SIBLINGS DAY! (APRIL 10) Hope you enjoy the new chapter!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE V

* * *

**NEWS FROM THE HUNT: MAN-HUNT RESULTS**

_Written by Artemis_

As you all know, a very exciting event took place recently at Camp. That's right, the Camp had its first ever man-hunt! Though things didn't quite go as planned because _someone_ said that killing wasn't allowed (*cough*Chiron*cough*), the competition was fierce! Of course, the Hunters won, which meant that they got to decide the terrible fate of the Aphrodite boys. This just goes to show that girls are, and will always be, superior to men.

_**19 Comments for "News From The Hu…"**_

Aphrodite: Oh my gods. Artemis, what did you do with my sons?! You didn't kill them, did you?!

Artemis: Well, we were about to, but…

Aphrodite: But what?

Artemis: We decided to let them off easy. We made them our slaves for a month.

Aphrodite: *sighs in relief* Oh, thank the gods you didn't kill them!

Artemis: Thank Chiron. He was the one who just _insisted_ that killing wasn't very ladylike, though I highly disagree.

Apollo: You should. I mean, you have a group of female Hunters who do nothing but roam the country looking for things to kill.

Artemis: We look for _monsters_ to kill. Gods, Apollo, you make it sound like we kill every living thing we see.

Demeter: If you did that, there would be no plants or trees or grass, which means no food, which leads to starvation worldwide.

Artemis: Which is why, I repeat, we DON'T kill everything we see.

Athena: Like Kronos.

Poseidon: But he didn't _kill_ us. He _ate_ us.

Apollo: *bursts out laughing* You have no idea how weird that just sounded.

Hermes: But I have to agree with Athena. Kronos has been the cause for too many deaths. Like Luke… He was taken away much too soon.

Poseidon: Very true. But, remember, we overthrew them. With help from me and my son, of course.

Athena: And don't forget my daughter.

Hades: And my son.

Hestia: We _all_ overthrew him. _Together._ Now, how we got from Aphrodite's sons to killing, I have no idea; but I think it would be best (and less painful) for all of us if we move on to the next article.

Zeus: Agreed.

* * *

**ASK APHRODITE!**

_Written by Aphrodite_

**Q:** Dear Aphrodite,

There's this boy in the Demeter cabin I kinda (sorta, maybe, etc.) have a tiny crush on. I don't exactly know what to do though because he's dating my worst enemy, and I don't exactly want to hurt her, even if I hate her stinking guts.

Er... Help?

Thanks,

RepublicOfMe

**A:** Dear RepublicOfMe,

Wow, you're stuck in a pretty tough situation. But, for the time being, I think you just need to wait this one out. Give the couple some time. You never know; things may not work so well between them, and they could end up hating each other. After all, this girl is your worst enemy for a reason; what will happen when your crush finds out about her bad side? Anyway, if they break up, then it's time to make your move. Show the guy you're worth the time! Just go out there and claim the guy as rightfully yours! Trust me, you won't regret it.

-Aphrodite

**Q: **Dear Aphrodite,

Two of my friends have started dating. I think they are very cute together, but they have turned into a REALLY annoying couple. They only sit together and cuddle and do other couple-y things, and I feel completely shut out and lonely. My friend also told me that she "would totally ditch us (me and our other friends) for him if she had to". That was within their FIRST WEEK of dating. It is hard to be around them anymore. Also, if they break up, my friend will not have any friends left because she is pushing us away for him. She says we "don't even understand how much she loves him". I think they are getting way too, I don't know, involved. I am afraid she is setting herself up for heartbreak. What should I do?

-Third Wheel

**A: **Dear Third Wheel,

I think you need to have a discussion with your friend. Convince her that her friends are much more important than her week-old boyfriend, and that if she doesn't want to lose her only friends, then she should stop being so obsessive about her boyfriend. After all, if they break up, you'll still be there for her, unlike the boy. Most likely, she'll listen to you and stop with the obsession. If she disagrees, then it's probably time to find a new friend. If she comes crying later on, it's her problem, not yours. You tried, right?

-Aphrodite

_**26 Comments for "Ask Aphrod…"**_

Athena: I can't believe I'm saying this, but that's actually pretty good advice.

Hera: You're right. Who knew Aphrodite could be serious?

Artemis: Oh, please. She's only serious about love.

Hephaestus: Really? You call cheating on your husband with countless other men _serious_?

Aphrodite: Hephy, honey, you have _got_ to let that go. I can't just settle for _one_ boy, especially since so many others fall for me!

Hera: Actually, Aphrodite, Hephaestus is right. And I should know, since I am the goddess of marriage. Plus my husband feels the same way as you, unfortunately.

Zeus: Oh, come on! 140 children isn't a lot!

Athena: It is, especially when comparing it to the mortal average of 2-3 children per family.

Artemis: That's 2-3 more than needed. With the exception of the girls, of course.

Zeus: Are you kidding me? 2-3 is nowhere near satisfying! Not even 140 is satisfying!

Hera: And what exactly would your idea of "satisfying" be?

Zeus: *crosses fingers* Um, no children at all! Just you, my dearest wife! I would be more than willing to get rid of all my children for you.

Ares: Hey!

Apollo: _Not_ cool.

Dionysus: Yeah, I don't want to be "gotten rid of", thanks.

Hermes: What have I ever done to you, besides pranking you, stealing from you, and a bunch of other things?

Artemis: Okay, those four I can understand, but what about me and Athena?

Athena: Yes, surely we must be worth keeping.

Ares: We _all _should be worth keeping. Hey, Zeus, how about this: Instead of getting rid of your children, you should get rid of _yourself!_

Poseidon: Great idea!

Hades: Brilliant!

Poseidon: *gasps* With Zeus gone, I'll become ruler of Olympus! Hades, we must find a way to get rid of him!

Hades: Um, Brother, if Zeus is overthrown, _I'll_ become ruler of Olympus. But yes, I agree that we must find some way to destroy him for good.

Zeus: Hold it; I'm not going to be destroyed or overthrown! And if I somehow am (which will never happen, so don't worry) I'll give my position to someone who deserves it, like one of the girls.

Poseidon: You're mean. :(

Zeus: Yes, yes I am.

* * *

**APOLLO'S SONG OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY!

_**36 Comments for "Apollo's Song O…"**_

Poseidon: Are you… are you quoting _Barney?_

Apollo: Yes. Why?

Poseidon: Because… Barney is AWESOME!

Artemis: I have no idea who this "Barney" is, but one thing's for sure: this family is anything but happy. However, there is one thing right about your song, Apollo; as much as I hate to admit it, I love you.

Apollo: Well, I love you too. With all my heart.

Aphrodite: I KNEW IT! SQUEEEEEEEAL! ARTOLLO PREVAILS!

Apollo: _What?_ NO! I meant I love her like a sister!

Aphrodite: Sure you did… ;)

Apollo: Why are you winking at me? I really meant that! Why the Hades would I fall in love with my own sister, my VIRGIN TWIN?!

Artemis: Aphrodite, he loves me, but he doesn't _LOVE_ me. Romantically, that is. If he did, then he wouldn't be here today.

Apollo: Yeah, I mean, look what happened to Orion!

Artemis: …Brother, too far. That was too far.

Apollo: What? I speak the truth. He fell in love with you, and you just went and killed him off.

Artemis: Wha-! I'll have you know that _you_ were the cause for his death!

Apollo: Well, you were the one who actually _killed_ him.

Artemis: Because you tricked me!

Hermes: Ha, I love a good trick.

Athena: Hermes, I think it's best that you stay out of this one. When the twins are fighting, it's not safe to get in their way.

Apollo: Arty, I was just trying to protect you!

Artemis: From Orion? He didn't do anything wrong!

Apollo: Let me rephrase that: I was trying to protect your _oath._ And I succeeded. You have to understand, I did what I did for a reason!

Artemis: Brother, I sometimes wish you would just _think_ before you act! You know, you didn't have to go and kill him! Is that how you solve your problems? By getting rid of them entirely?

Apollo: My gods, I can't believe you. I saved your virginity, the thing that matters most to you; and here you are, yelling at me like I did something wrong!

Artemis: You don't get it, do you? Apollo, you made me _kill_ him. An innocent mortal. Don't you know what it feels like to kill such an innocent being?

Apollo: *sighs* Arty, of course I do. Do you think I felt amazing when I helped Paris kill Achilles? Sure, Achilles killed my son and all, but it was still _wrong_ in a way_._ And how do you think I felt when my lovers all suffered tragic fates? Like Hyacinthus, or Daphne? I didn't like it either! Arty, you have to understand; things happen for a reason. We may not like it at the time, but things work out. Besides, we have all eternity to make things better.

Artemis: I guess you're right. Thanks, Brother.

Apollo: No prob. That's what siblings are for, right?

Artemis: Besides annoying their sisters half to death, yes.

Apollo: Ha-ha, very funny. And you're annoying, too!

Artemis: Compared to you? No way.

Apollo: Yes way! You're _totally_ annoying.

Hermes: And there's the Apollo and Artemis I know!

Zeus: Wow. For a second there, I thought we had lost them forever. I don't know what I would do without their constant arguing…

Hestia: Who cares? The important thing is that we're a happy family again.

Athena: Well, not exactly, but I suppose it's the closest we'll ever come. That's good enough for now.

* * *

**End Note: Oh, I just love happy endings. :) So, anyway, when I found out that today was National Siblings Day, I just had to celebrate by writing about one of the most famous pair of siblings in mythology! (By now you've probably figured out that I am a total myth nerd. Just warning you in case I explode from myth intake in the future.) **

**On another note, for those of you who have submitted Ask Aphrodite questions or Songs of the Week, don't worry; I use almost every single idea I get! So if your question/idea wasn't in today's issue, it's probably going to end up in the next issue, or the next, etc. You get the point. So yeah, just know that you haven't been forgotten. :P**

**P.S. I just realized that this issue is almost twice as long as Issue I. And I only had 3 articles this time! WOOHOO! :) Sorry. I just had to get that out of my system.**


	11. Wisdom vs Love

**A/N: Hey guys! So... not too much to say today but HAPPY PATRIOT'S DAY, RUBBER ERASER DAY, AND TITANIC REMEMBERANCE DAY! (APRIL 15) Hope you enjoy this new chapter!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

**ATHENA'S POV**

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

I woke with a start and groaned. One day of peace. That's all I ask for. Just _one day._

Well, it looks like that wish isn't going to come true today, thanks to whoever just woke me up. Seriously, who goes around screaming at 7:00 in the morning?

I pulled my pillow over my head and was just on the verge of sleep when it came again.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Oh, for gods' sake, that is _it._

I sat up angrily and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I'm going to find this mystery screamer and give them a lesson on how to be quiet. And I might as well bring the duct tape too…

I grabbed a roll of duct tape and strolled out the door, not bothering to change out of my nightgown.

"All right, you," I said loudly. "Show yourself!"

I was answered with yet another scream.

"Fine," I said to myself. "If you won't show yourself, I guess I'll just have to find you on my own."

I followed the source of the scream to a nearby pond, searching everywhere for any signs of life.

After about 10 minutes, I turned around, ready to give up, when my eyes suddenly rested on none other than… Aphrodite. Staring at the pond surface with a stupid smile plastered on her face.

"Aphrodite!" I called, storming over to her.

She looked up at me, her grin widening.

"Oh, you're just in time! I'm watchin-"

I cut her off angrily.

"I'll have you know that your excessive screaming disturbed my peaceful slumber!"

She blinked.

"Okay," she said. "Anyway, like I was saying-"

"I don't _care_ what you were saying!" I snapped. "Did you even listen to me?"

"Yeah, yeah, sorry for waking you up and all," Aphrodite waved her hand dismissively. "But still, you have to join me!"

"Join you in staring at a pond surface? No thank you," I said, folding my arms. "I have much better things to do, like going back to sleep."

Aphrodite giggled.

"No, silly, it's not just a pond surface. It's an IM! I'm watching Percabeth."

I raised an eyebrow.

"You're watching what now?"

"Percabeth!" Aphrodite squealed, gesturing to the pond surface. "Have a look."

I should have refused, but my curiosity got the best of me. Like an idiot, I took her advice and looked at the IM. Big mistake.

"Aphrodite," I started slowly. "Is that… Annabeth?"

"Yep!"

"With Poseidon's _spawn?_"

"Right again!" Aphrodite said. "See? Percy plus Annabeth equals PERCABETH!"

I took a deep breath, trying not to burst with fury.

"Aphrodite… surely you're not secretly spying on them during one of their make-out sessions, are you?"

Aphrodite shrugged.

"Guilty. But it's sooooo worth it!"

I was about to let her have it when she suddenly gasped.

"Come on," she urged, her eyes glued to the IM. "Kiss her, you fool! Kiss her already!"

My jaw dropped, for I was helpless as I was forced to watch Percy and Annabeth – as Apollo says – _smooch up a storm_.

Aphrodite let out another high-pitched shriek, causing me to wince and slap my hands over my ears.

"Gods, woman!" I spat. "Watch it! You sound like a deranged, over-obsessed fangirl!"

"Oh, sorry," Aphrodite said. "I just can't help it! That kiss? Soooo romantic!"

"But you don't have to-"

Before I could finish my thought, Aphrodite screamed again.

I would like to say I handled it in a wise and mature manner, but sadly, that wasn't the case; at that point, I pretty much lost it.

"APHRODITE!" I bellowed, my hands clenched into tight fists. "Just _stop _already! I've had it with all your romance mush! No one cares, so just give it a rest!"

Aphrodite was stunned at my sudden outburst.

"Well, Miss Smarty-Pants, you of all people should know that there is no such thing as 'romance mush'. One can never have too much love!"

"Oh, really?" I said. "Go tell that to Artemis and report back to me."

"But this isn't about Artemis," she said. "This is about _you_, and your belief that love is worthless!"

"That's because it is," I retorted. "Now, shut up or else…"

"Or else _what_?"

I pulled out the duct tape, dangling it in front of her face.

Let's just say her reaction wasn't quite what I expected.

"Ooooh!" she squealed. "Hot pink!"

For the first time, I looked at the duct tape, mentally kicking myself as I realized that I had chosen tape in Aphrodite's favorite color.

"No, you idiot! I'm not threatening you with pink!" I said, thoroughly frustrated.

"Well, you should," she said.

"You're not very wise, are you?" I said. "You see, you're a living example of why wisdom is much more important than love. Look at Einstein, for example. Or Daedalus, or Archimedes, or Edison. All chose wisdom over love, and look where it got them."

Her face was blank.

"Who would be stupid enough to do that?" she asked.

"Only the smartest people in the world. And judging by the look on your face, you're obviously not one of them."

Aphrodite narrowed her eyes.

"Athena, I've had enough with you. Love is what keeps the Earth together. If all we ever did was fight and act like a bunch of know-it-alls, then the world would be in complete chaos. You don't want that, do you?"

I groaned in frustration.

"Aphrodite, I understand that," I said. "But you take love just a bit too far."

Aphrodite stared at me.

"Too far?" she said. "_TOO FAR?!"_

"Yes," I said. "Too far. You know, for once, I just wish you would give up the whole romance gimmick."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a brilliant idea came to me.

"I dare you," I said.

"Dare me to what?"

"Aphrodite, I dare you to reject love for a whole week."

Her face paled.

"_W-What?"_

"You heard me correctly," I said, a smug smile forming on my face. "I dare you to reject love. No messing with couples, no flirting or dates; don't even _mention_ the word 'love' for an entire week."

Aphrodite stared at me, eyes wide with disbelief.

"A-Athena, but that isn't possible! A whole _week_? How will I survive?!"

"You'll do just fine," I said. "Look at Artemis. She's rejected love her whole life, and look how happy she is. I say a week without love will finally teach you a lesson."

Aphrodite's jaw dropped.

"Oh yeah?" she said. "Well, I think you need to learn a lesson, too."

I snorted.

"Oh, please. I'm the goddess of wisdom. What lesson could _you_ possibly teach _me?_"

"You, missy, need to learn that love is good for you," Aphrodite said. "Which is why I'm daring you to flirt with Poseidon for a whole week."

My smile was replaced with a fierce scowl.

"_What _did you just say?" I muttered through clenched teeth.

Aphrodite smiled.

"I dare you to flirt with Poseidon. Act like you're all head-over-heels for him. Pretend that you find him… irresistible. And, whatever you do, don't let him out of your sight. Just play the part of a lovesick goddess who finally found her true love."

I gasped.

"No," I breathed. "I can't possibly do that. It'll destroy my reputation… and what will everyone think?"

"Hey," Aphrodite said. "If I can go without love, you can act like you're in love. Besides, it's just a week! You never know, this might be good for you!"

I narrowed my eyes.

"Aphrodite, how could this possibly be _good_ for me? Poseidon and I have been immortal enemies for several millennia! If you think I'm just going to waltz up to him, blabbering endlessly about how handsome I find him-"

"Then he'll be yours forever," Aphrodite finished with a sigh.

"No, he most certainly won't!" I roared.

Aphrodite stuck her tongue out at me.

"Come on, Athena. I'm just trying to show you that love can put an end to even the toughest conflicts!"

"Well, if you think flirting with Poseidon can end our rivalry, then you are sadly mistaken."

"Whatever," she said. "But you still can't back out on a dare."

She paused for a second, considering me.

"Unless you're not up to it…"

"I am very much up to it, thank you!" I snapped, putting my hands on my hips.

Aphrodite held out her hand.

"Then it's a deal. I'll give up love for a week in exchange for you flirting with Poseidon for a week."

Sighing in defeat, I reluctantly shook her hand.

"All right," she said. "Then it's settled. Come Monday, I won't say a word about love."

"And I will act lovesick for Poseidon," I said.

Aphrodite nodded.

"Until then," she said as she turned to walk away.

I watched her as she left, cursing silently under my breath. Oh, sweet Hades, what have I gotten myself into?


	12. Issue VI

**A/N: Hello everyone! Again, not too much to say today but HAPPY INTERNATIONAL JUGGLER'S DAY, NATIONAL HIGH FIVE DAY, AND NEWSPAPER COLUMNISTS DAY! (APRIL 18) Wow, it's Newspaper Columnists Day and I'm publishing an online newspaper. Weird.**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE VI

* * *

**THE TRUTH ABOUT POSEIDON**

_Written by Athena_

Face it; we've all heard myths about Poseidon. How he's supposed to be a violent god who loves destroying things with sea creatures, and how his worst enemy is none other than me. However, no one knows the truth. Want to know what Poseidon's _really_ like? Well, I'll tell you: Poseidon is one handsome HUNK of a god! I just ADORE his amazing black hair, and his incredible sea-green eyes? SQUEEEEAAAAL! Poseidon's awesomeness just radiates from his body so much that it makes me melt!_ Literally. _Like, even Hephaestus's powers can't make me melt as much as Poseidon does. So, with that, I leave you all with one last message: POTHENA FOREVER!

_**45 Comments for "The Truth Abo…"**_

Poseidon: …Um, thanks? I guess?

Artemis: What. The. Hades?

Demeter: Athena, are you feeling all right?

Artemis: WHAT. THE. HADES?! Tell me this is not happening. This CAN'T be happening. I mean, Athena's a maiden goddess, right?

Aphrodite: That's absolutely right. What's Athena doing wasting her time on boys? She should know that men will just do nothing but make her life miserable.

Ares: _Excuse_ me?

Artemis: Wait… Aphrodite, _what_ did you just say_?_

Aphrodite: You heard me. Ugh, I wish Athena would be more like you, Artemis. At least then she would understand that love is worthless.

Artemis: B-but you… You're the one who… I-I thought that… I'm pleasantly confused.

Athena: Oh, come on, Aphrodite! How could you say that love is worthless? I mean, have you _seen_ Poseidon? HOTTIE ALERT!

Poseidon: Um, Athena, I respect that you think I'm hot and all, but aren't we sorta supposed to be… _enemies?_

Artemis: Yes, yes you are! Athena, whatever is wrong with you?!

Athena: The real question, my dear, is what is wrong with _you?_ You don't see that love is the most important thing in the whole universe! You clearly have issues.

Artemis: Wha-! I'll have you know that you are a maiden goddess as well! Well, at least before you… you turned into this monstrosity!

Dionysus: Perhaps she's had too much to drink. That would explain it.

Demeter: But Athena never drinks.

Hermes: Has she had too much sugar? Or caffeine?

Apollo: Or maybe Hecate put a spell on her.

Hephaestus: You know what I think? I think Athena and Aphrodite are pranking us. They must have signed on under each other's name and made us think that they suddenly traded personalities. It's the only logical explanation.

Hermes: Possibly… but there is one flaw with your idea.

Hephaestus: What?

Hermes: Athena pulling an actual _prank_? I don't think that's going to happen. Besides, I don't think Athena would trust Aphrodite enough to give her permission to sign on as Athena.

Apollo: Well, I guess there's only one way to find out if we're being pranked. We must perform THE TEST.

Artemis: Should I be scared right now? Your ideas tend to backfire most of the time.

Apollo: Arty, I assure you that this one's going to work.

Artemis: *scoffs* That's what you always say. It's probably going to fail again.

Apollo: How are you supposed to know if my idea's going to work? _I'm_ the one with the prophetic powers, not you.

Artemis: Yes, but _I'm_ the one with the good sense, not you.

Apollo: Why, you little-

Demeter: Oh, for heaven's sake, just perform your silly test already!

Apollo: Okay, okay! Jeez, calm down. Anywho… Athena, Aphrodite: I'm going to ask you one question, and whoever can answer it is the winner!

Aphrodite: Okay.

Athena: Fire away.

Apollo: And the question is… how are babies made?

Aphrodite: Well, first a mommy and a daddy fall in love...

Athena: How are babies made, you ask? Okay, I'll tell you... *gives extremely detailed description*

Ares: Oh. My. Gods...

Artemis: Apollo, you idiot! You just had to go ask that question! My life will never be the same again.

Hermes: I'm a little scared to ask how on Olympus Athena knows all this stuff. *shudders*

Apollo: Hehe. Thank you, Athena, for your _highly descriptive _explanation.

Artemis: Highly descriptive? That's an understatement.

Apollo: But nevertheless, she proved she's really Athena.

Poseidon: Great, so Athena really does have a thing for me.

Hermes: So if it wasn't a prank… what's up with Athena?

Demeter: I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

* * *

**THE MORTAL TRUTH**

_Written by Hephaestus_

Just recently I have been browsing online for mortal thoughts about us gods, and I have discovered something I would like you all to see. Posted below is a link for a 'Which Greek God Are You' quiz! Find out who the mortals think you are like, and what the mortals think about your personality traits. Have they got you spot on or not? Take the quiz to see!

_**23 Comments for "The Mortal Tr…"**_

Hermes: Something tells me this isn't going to end well…

Poseidon: Hmm, interesting, Hephaestus. I got myself, of course.

Ares: _WHAT! _How'd I get _Hephaestus?_ I'm nothing like him!

Hephaestus: Thank the gods my result was accurate.

Ares: Let me guess, you got yourself?

Hephaestus: Obviously.

Demeter: HEPHAESTUS! This quiz is wrong!

Hephaestus: Why? What did you get?

Demeter: It said I was most like…_ him!_ That despicable, slimy little Death Brat who stole my daughter… HOW DARE THE MORTALS COMPARE ME TO HIM!

Hades: Hey, at least you got someone awesome. I got _Aphrodite. _Can you imagine me in pink clothes, gossiping every second of the day? *shudders*

Zeus: My result is all wrong! There must be some mistake! I mean, how could I possibly be most like POSEIDON?!

Athena: EEEEEK! I got Poseidon too! YAY!

Hera: …Does anyone else think she did that on purpose?

Aphrodite: Hmmph. I got myself, but they got my description wrong. Apparently I'm supposed to be 'A romantic flirt who always attracts the boys'. Could they get any farther from the truth?

Athena: Sigh. You're soooo lucky. If I were the girl in your description, I would be the happiest person in the world.

Apollo: Oh, come on! How on Earth did I get _Arty_? The only thing we have in common is that we're related!

Artemis: Brother, do you think I was happy when I ended up getting _you?_ I was highly offended. The mortals not only think I'm most like a boy, but they suggest that I'm a huge flirt? Disgusting.

Apollo: Wait, did you just call me disgusting?

Artemis: Yes.

Apollo: You're mean.

Demeter: Those mortals are meaner. They've gotten our personalities all wrong! We must do something about this.

Ares: Agreed.

Artemis: What I don't get is why you're all taking these quiz results so seriously! Just because you took that quiz doesn't mean you have to turn into that person. Just give it a rest and move on with your lives.

* * *

**APOLLO'S SONG OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

Um, this song is dedicated to Poseidon… From Athena… So, yeah. Just remember that these are Athena's words, not mine.

'Poseidon, my love, whenever I'm with you, I feel like a 3000-year-old teen again! This one's for you, babe. YOU MAKE ME, FEEL LIKE I'M LIVING A, TEENAGE DREAM, THE WAY YOU TURN ME ON!'

_**15 Comments for "Apollo's Song O…"**_

Ares: I CAN'T SLEEP, LET'S RUN AWAY AND DON'T EVER LOOK BACK, DON'T EVER LOOK BACK!

Artemis: Oh, great. Another pathetic love song. Just what we need.

Zeus: MY HEART STOPS WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME, JUST ONE TOUCH, NOW BABY I BELIEVE!

Athena: THIS IS REAL, SO TAKE A CHANCE AND DON'T EVER LOOK BACK, DON'T EVER LOOK BACK!

Aphrodite: What a stupid song. Who on Earth would write something so romantically disgusting?

Apollo: *gasps* Don't tell me you've never heard of Katy Perry!

Aphrodite: It's not like I want to know about her anyway. If all her songs are this pointless and exploding with romantic mush, then what's the point of listening to her?

Poseidon: So, Athena… you really weren't kidding about the whole 'I love Poseidon' thing?

Athena: Of course not! Baby, you belong with me.

Apollo: SHE WEARS SHORT SKIRTS, I WEAR T-SHIRTS, SHE'S CHEER CAPTAIN AND I'M ON THE BLEACHERS!

Athena: Yes, exactly! DREAMING 'BOUT THE DAY, WHEN YOU WAKE UP AND FIND THAT WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR HAS BEEN HERE THE WHOLE TIME!

Aphrodite: My gods, Athena. Give up the whole 'lovey dovey' thing already. We ladies are much too good for love.

Artemis: B-but… Aphrodite, you aren't supposed to agree with me! That's not how it works!

Athena: Oh, Poseidon, don't you see? You really are the one for me. You've been right under my nose this entire time, but I just didn't realize it then! YOU BELONG WITH ME!

Artemis: Someone kill me now.

* * *

**QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

_Written by Demeter_

"_A stranger stabs you in the front; a friend stabs you in the back; a boyfriend stabs you in the heart, but best friends only poke each other with straws."_

_-Unknown_

_**23 Comments for "Quote of th…"**_

Ares: Straws? Heck, I'd poke my friends with swords.

Poseidon: I'd poke them with my trident.

Artemis: Which is about the most lethal thing to poke someone with.

Hermes: I remember one time, my sons attached a thumbtack to the end of a paper airplane and ran around torturing everyone at Camp.

Hephaestus: *winces* I remember that.

Hermes: *sighs* Good times…

Hephaestus: Er, I wouldn't say _good_. Getting poked with thumbtack-planes is the most lethal thing ever.

Artemis: What about poisoned items? That has to be more lethal.

Demeter: I guess, but poison is pretty hard to find. And I'm pretty sure no one just has a bottle of poison lying around.

Apollo: I do.

Hermes: …

Artemis: _Brother…_ why, exactly, do you keep a bottle of poison lying around?

Apollo: I'm the god of the plague. I just dip one of my arrows in a bottle, fire, and bam! INSTANT DEATH.

Hades: Instant death? Awesome!

Ares: I know, right?

Demeter: NO! Instant death is not awesome! I will not tolerate Death Brat getting any more souls for his depressing realm.

Hades: Why? Are you… _jealous?_

Demeter: Of course not! I just don't want you to receive the benefit of innocent people dying. You've received a good number of souls lately, what with the Boston bombing and all.

Hades: Well, I admit that that was sad, but those people are all in a better place now. Think of it that way.

Demeter: And how is being in the Underworld with you a 'better place'?

Hades: Because I'm amazing. And you're jealous.

Demeter: Don't be silly! I am not, and never will be, jealous of you.

Hades: Yeah. You're jealous.

* * *

**End Note: A moment of silence for those who died in the bombing on Monday. You've all reached Elysium for sure. :')**

**On another note, credit to M0RKIESTAR for Apollo's song idea. **

**That's about it, so... yeah. Have a good rest of your day!**


	13. An Embarrassing Public Announcement

**A/N: Hey guys! So, SUPER sorry about my sudden disappearance! I'll make it up to you, I promise! ;)**

**Anywho, why don't we get back into the swing of things by celebrating INTERNATIONAL TUBA DAY, LUMPY RUG DAY, SPACE DAY, AND WORLD PRESS FREEDOM DAY (MAY 3)! **

**Hope you enjoy this totally random chapter!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

**PERCY'S POV**

Have you ever been woken up by a crazed lunatic goddess before? Well, if you haven't, consider yourself lucky. I speak from experience.

I lay in bed, having a wonderful dream about me and Annabeth going to the beach, happily licking blue lollipops as we laughed and talked. Of course, as my luck would have it, my dream was interrupted when I was smacked with a pillow.

My eyes flew open to see a face a few inches above mine.

The face broke into a wide grin.

"Good morning, Perseus! Rise and shine!"

My jaw dropped open, and I rubbed my eyes as I sat up.

"_Athena?"_

She smiled at me.

"No, silly, it's Hades."

I blinked.

"What are you doing in my cabin?"

"Oh, just… er… checking up on you."

Okay… that's, um, _nice._

"Um, Lady Athena, I appreciate the concern and all, but I just want to go back to sleep."

She rolled her eyes.

"Nonsense! It's a beautiful day, Perseus. Might as well get up and enjoy it," she said, gesturing to the window.

I looked outside.

"Uh, it's not really that beautiful."

"Whatever do you mean?"

"It's really cloudy, and it looks like it's about to-"

A loud clap of thunder cut me off.

"Rain," I finished.

Athena scoffed.

"Oh, who minds a bit of rain? Besides, you are the son of the sea god himself."

"So?"

"Get up already!" she said, clearly getting more frustrated with me.

"Name one good reason why I should get up."

She thought for a moment, then snapped her fingers as her face lit up.

"Annabeth is waiting for you!"

I raised an eyebrow.

"Excuse me?"

Athena giggled. (Yes, she actually _giggled_.)

"You heard me! Oh, I bet your girlfriend is in her cabin right now, desperately longing for her boyfriend to show up so you two can spend the entire day in each other's company! Ooh, young romance is soooo sweet!"

My eye started twitching.

"Say _what_?"

"Perseus, you must go now! Annabeth is waiting for you!"

Before I could reply, she gasped.

"Oh, I must get going," she said. "By the way, have you seen your father lately?"

"Um, no," I said. "Why?"

Athena's face spread into a sly grin.

"I must make him mine. He must see that I am the one for him."

"Wait… _what?_"

"I shall find that hunknut of a god, and see to it that he falls deeply in love with me! Then we'll be together forever…"

And with that, she strolled out the door, leaving me behind to contemplate what had just happened.

"Hunknut?" I repeated to myself.

"_What the Hades…?"_ A voice behind me said.

I whirled around to see Annabeth standing in the doorway, her expression one of total confusion.

"Hi," I said.

Annabeth looked me straight in the eye, her face deadly serious.

"Spill it."

"Spill what, exactly?"

She rolled her eyes.

"I saw my mom walk out of your cabin. And you just said 'hunknut'. Enlighten me."

"You are never going to believe this," I said.

"Just tell me, Seaweed Brain."

"All right, all right," I said. "So your mom came into my cabin and woke me up. She said that you were waiting for me and that young romance was cute. Then she started talking about my dad being a hunknut and our parents being together forever…"

Annabeth blinked.

"I don't believe you."

"See," I said. "I told you. But I swear, I'm not lying!"

"I still don't believe you."

"What? Why not?"

"My mom, in love with your dad?" she said. "Think about it, Percy. She _hates_ him."

"Then why would she…?"

Suddenly, Annabeth's eyes widened.

"What?" I demanded. "What is it?"

She pointed out the window. I looked, and immediately knew that something was wrong.

Athena was marching onto the campgrounds, dressed in full battle armor. And she did not look happy.

Annabeth and I rushed outside, where we joined the crowd that had gathered to see what Athena wanted.

Everyone kneeled, and Chiron acknowledged Athena's presence.

"Lady Athena," he said. "What may we do for you?"

"Yes," Athena said. "I just want to speak to the godlings."

We stared up at her, wondering what she could possibly want.

"I have had a secret," she said, "that I have kept inside me for so long. A secret that must be shared."

"Has she finally gone cray-cray?" I whispered to Annabeth.

"Not funny, Seaweed Brain. That's the goddess of wisdom you're talking about," she said.

I stuck my tongue out at her, and we turned our attention back to Athena.

"I figured that I should share my secret to the whole world, so I'm just going to say it."

Athena took a deep breath, then threw her arms in the air.

"I LOVE POSEIDON!" she screamed.

There were gasps everywhere, and I saw Annabeth's face pale beside me.

"Believe me now?" I asked.

She nodded.

"B-but…" a camper stuttered. "You and Poseidon are – were – enemies, right?"

Athena sighed.

"Well, the truth is, I just wanted to play hard-to-get. Actually, Poseidon is one heck of a HUNKNUT!"

Annabeth's jaw dropped.

"M-Mother…" she stammered. "You and _him_?! I mean, whatever makes you happy, but since Percy and I are dating, if you and Poseidon dated too…"

Annabeth's face turned green.

"I think I'm going to be sick," she said.

I patted her shoulder reassuringly.

"Hey, think about it," I said. "If they get married, we'll become step-siblings."

Annabeth's expression turned to one of horror.

"Ew!" she said. "I don't want to date my step-brother! Besides, gods don't even have DNA!"

I rolled my eyes.

"Just trying to make you feel better," I said.

"Yeah, that helped a lot."

We turned our attention back to the other campers bombarding Athena with questions.

"So, why are you dressed in battle armor again?" one camper asked.

"Well," Athena said. "I just wanted to make sure that nobody goes against my heartfelt passion for Poseidon. If anyone dares to object that our love is not true, they shall be murdered now."

She narrowed her eyes as she examined our faces closely.

"I shall be taking my leave," she said.

Athena raised her spear and looked up at the sky.

"PEANUT BUTTER!" she yelled.

Then she took off into the woods, her long black hair flying behind her.

Annabeth turned to me.

"Tell me that didn't just happen," she said. "My mom didn't just confess her true love for your father."

"Sorry, Wise Girl," I said. "But she kinda did."

"I told you to tell me that didn't happen!"

"Well, you think I like it any more than you do?"

"You are such a Seaweed Brain," she retorted. "You think this is about being happy? This could upset the godly balance!"

"The godly what?"

She sighed.

"Every god has an enemy. It's been that way forever, and who knows what could happen if two gods stop being enemies. It would throw everything off. This might sound strange, but by hating each other, it keeps the peace."

"I hate you, you hate me, we're a happy family…" I sang.

Annabeth frowned at me.

"Seaweed Brain."

I ignored her.

"You know what," I said. "Maybe this is all a trick. Maybe we're being tested to see how we would handle a big change."

"Well, if it is a test, it kinda pushes the limits."

"But it's the only explanation we have for this sudden romantic change," I said.

"I guess so," Annabeth hesitantly admitted. "But one thing's for sure; mom had better pull it together real soon, or things are going to get ugly."

* * *

**APHRODITE'S POV**

I raced into the woods, running deeper and deeper until the camp could no longer be seen. I stopped running, changed back into my normal form, and pushed back a few branches to reveal my captive.

I was a bit surprised to see that she had regained consciousness so quickly. The only thing holding her back from escaping were the golden bonds (made from the same material as my husband's golden nets, so they were very sturdy) and the handkerchief in her mouth.

I cautiously approached my captive, removed the handkerchief, and jumped back as she attempted to bite me.

"Why, you little-"

"Athena," I said. "Hush. It was for your own good."

"Aphrodite…" she growled through clenched teeth. "Impersonating me and declaring that I love my worst enemy in front of our _children_? Have you any idea what this will do to my reputation!"

"It was part of the dare!" I explained for the millionth time.

"That stupid little agreement?!" she spat. "You have already forced me to write an Olympus Weekly article about how Poseidon is so amazing and handsome, and now you go do this!"

"Sweetie," I calmly said, trying to keep my cool. "I have this all figured out. Trust me, I have my reasons."

"REASONS!" she shrieked. "You think you have reasons good enough to explain why you go around announcing _my _relationships when they don't even exist?! As the goddess of love, you of all people should know never to mess with someone's love life!"

"You have a love life?"

Oh, if looks could kill.

I sighed and tried again.

"Look, Athena, I believe in a peaceful society," I started.

"I find that hard to believe."

"Just hear me out, okay?" I said. "Like I said before, I believe in peace. So, in return for your article and my – er, _your_ – little public announcement, I am allowing you to end your side of the dare early."

"You're _allowing_ me. As in, you're giving me permission?"

"Yes," I said. "I am."

She opened her mouth to argue, but then thought better of it and nodded instead.

"We have a deal. But first get me out of these things."

"Oh, right."

I helped her out of her bonds and turned to leave. I had just taken a step forward when I heard Athena call my name again.

"Not so fast," she said.

I turned back around.

"What? Why not?"

"You still owe me for what you have done," Athena said. "So, in addition to the early end of the dare, I request one more thing."

"And that would be?"

"I want to take over your Ask Aphrodite article in the next issue of Olympus Weekly."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Oh, is that all?"

She shook her head.

"I wasn't finished. I want to take over your article… signed on as you."

I smiled.

"Sure! Oh, Athena, I never thought you would want to offer love advice! You're finally understanding that romance is important!"

"Then it's settled," Athena said. "I'll sign on as you and write the next Ask Aphrodite article."

"Have fun!" I called as she walked away.

Suddenly, she stopped and turned around.

"Oh, and I'll get Artemis to help me!" she called, laughing as she walked away.

Wait, why would she want Artemis to… Oh no.

I gasped as realization suddenly hit me. Athena is a virgin goddess. Meaning, she _hates_ love. And with Artemis's help in offering love advice… my column is pretty much doomed.

I groaned and smacked my forehead. The little devil had tricked me! Well, I guess there's nothing left to do but wait and see what happens. Athena can't possibly do that much damage to my advice column… right?

* * *

**End Note: So, guys, what questions do you think "Aphrodite" should answer? Tell me what you think!**


	14. Issue VII

**A/N: Hey guys! So, not too much to say today, except HAPPY NATIONAL CHOCOLATE CHIP DAY and POLICE OFFICER'S MEMORIAL DAY! (MAY 15) Hope you all enjoy this new chapter!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE VII

* * *

**ASK APHRODITE!**

_Written by Aphrodite_

**Q: **Umm, yeah. Hi. Listen, the mother of my girlfriend who absolutely hates me woke me up at the crack of dawn looking oddly cheery, said she adores Percabeth, called my father a, and I quote, 'hunknut', then confessed her love for him in front of the whole camp. I know gods don't have DNA or anything, but what would I do if we became stepsiblings? I really don't want to break up with her (for more reasons than one).

-Seaweed Brain

**A: **Well, Seaweed Brain, first off I can assure you that your girlfriend's mother absolutely does NOT have any feelings for Kelp He- I mean, _your father._ Also, Percabeth is the lamest thing that has ever existed since Poseidon. Everybody knows that. Oh, and may I offer you another piece of advice? I suggest that even if you and your girlfriend don't become stepsiblings, you should consider ending your relationship anyway. It's the wise thing to do.

-Aphrodite

**Q: **Okay, so I'm totally in love with this really cute guy. But there's one slight problem: he keeps trying to kill me. Literally. What should I do?

-Scared Lover

**A: **Oh, this is an easy one. What should you do, you ask? Let him kill you. Someone that desperate would be better off dead. Or, if you want another option that keeps you alive, you could join the Hunters. It's a win-win; you get to give up love forever and help save the world in the process! Oh, and don't worry; Artemis will take _very_ good care of you.

-Aphrodite

And now, to end this 'Ask Aphrodite' segment, a brief lecture on why young love is, and will always be, a total waste of time. Attached below is a 100 page essay that will surely benefit those who choose to read it. Have a good romance-less day.

_**35 Comments for "Ask Aphrod…"**_

Artemis: Now _this_ is advice. Good work, Aphrodite.

Aphrodite: Athena, I HATE you.

Athena: No worries, the feeling is mutual.

Hephaestus: So she's still going anti-love? Excellent.

Poseidon: What's Percabeth?

Athena: Don't ask.

Hera: This is by far the best segment of 'Ask Aphrodite' I've ever read! It's brilliant!

Aphrodite: Eh, I've seen better. MUCH better.

Zeus: I agree. How is this segment brilliant? All it does is discourage love!

Hera: Exactly, my dear husband. I suggest you reread it, for you really could learn a few things about excessive romance.

Demeter: She should really consider getting that essay published into a full-length book. I would read it.

Athena: Yes, I can see it now: _The Issues Of Young Love, _written by Athena_._

Demeter: Don't you mean 'written by Aphrodite'?

Athena: Oh, right. Written by _Aphrodite._

Ares: Gee, that essay sure was descriptive.

Hermes: No kidding!

Zeus: You actually read the entire thing?

Hermes: Yep. I think I almost went blind.

Zeus: How the Hades did you make it through the ENTIRE THING? I practically fell asleep after reading one line! *yawns* And I'm still tired. Wow, I could really go for a napppppppppppppppppppppppppp

Artemis: Um, father? Are you okay?

Zeus: pppppppppppppppppppppppppp

Artemis: Father? Hello?

Zeus: pppppppppppppppppppppppppp

Artemis: My gods. I think he fell asleep on the keyboard.

Zeus: pppppppppppppppppppppppppppp

Hephaestus: Yeah, yeah, we get it already! 'PP' to you too.

Apollo: Pee pee? *giggles*

Athena: Oh, for heaven's sake, this is no time for your immaturity. How could you possibly think Zeus is promoting toilet activities?

Poseidon: Teehee. Toilet activities.

Zeus: pppooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Hermes: Poo? Hmm, maybe he is promoting toilet activities…

Athena: *facepalm*

Zeus: *wakes up* Wha-? Sorry, I zoned out there. What were we talking about again?

Athena: Um, nothing at all, father! Just move on to the next article.

* * *

**DEMETER'S CEREAL REVIEWS**

_Written by Demeter_

Imagine this: You go to the store to buy cereal. But when you finally reach the cereal aisle, you have absolutely no idea which cereal to pick! Each cereal type is equally delicious, and picking favorites would be impossible. So what do you do?

The answer to this question is simple; read this article! By reading my reviews of different cereal types, you'll save yourself plenty of decision-making when it comes time to buy your cereal.

Let's get started with the reviews:

Froot Loops: Very delicious. You can really taste the rainbow.

Apple Jacks: Yummy. The cinnamon-y taste really enhances the flavor.

Cocoa Puffs: Excellent. The chocolate creates a party in my tummy.

Hades O's: The best cereal type of all. You get to crush a Death Brat with your teeth, grind him up until he's all pulpy, swallow him, and do it again every day for breakfast.

_**18 Comments for "Demeter's Ce…"**_

Hades: _Hades O's?_

Demeter: They are most delicious.

Hades: HADES O'S?! WHERE THE ZEUS DID YOU GET THOSE?!

Demeter: That information is classified.

Zeus: Well, wherever you got them, can I have a box? I would love to devour miniature versions of my brother for breakfast.

Poseidon: Eww. You're starting to sound like Father. Though eating Hades for breakfast does sound quite appealing…

Demeter: It is. Trust me.

Hermes: …Whoa. Cannibalism much?

Apollo:

Hey, Demeter,

Could you hook me up with a

Box of Arty O's?

Artemis: That first line was 4 syllables. And, Demeter, if you _dare_ give him the satisfaction of eating cereal versions of me, I swear-

Dionysus: Blah, blah, blah. No one cares. But, Demeter, you know what I want? A nice, big box of Peter O's.

Athena: If you mean Percy O's, then I'll take a box too.

Zeus: Devouring Poseidon's spawn? Sounds great! Demeter, I want a box of Percy O's as well.

Ares: Oh, _yes!_ So, how 'bout it, Demeter? One family-size box of PERCY O'S, please!

Demeter: Whoa, hold it. I don't have any Percy O's. I have Hades O's, and only Hades O's.

Hades: Aww, you're no fun.

Demeter: Says the depressing Lord of the Dead who kidnaps innocent daughters for "fun".

Hades: Oh, shut up.

* * *

**APOLLO'S SONG OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

Dedicated to Arty; I immediately thought of you when I heard it… This one's for you, sis.

YOU'RE A SPINELESS, PALE PATHETIC LOT, AND YOU HAVEN'T GOT A CLUE, SOMEHOW I'LL MAKE A MAN OUT OF YOUUUUUUU!

_**24 Comments for "Apollo's Song O…"**_

Hephaestus: Cue Artemis freakout in 3, 2, 1…

Artemis: PHOEBUS APOLLO!

Hephaestus: And there it is.

Apollo: *gulp* Uh oh. The full name.

Artemis: You despicable, psychotic little… Oh, I could just rip you to _pieces!_

Apollo: Whatever is wrong, dearest sister?

Artemis: Oh, don't you play innocent with me! You know _exactly_ what's wrong! Calling my Hunters "pale and pathetic", then saying you're going to turn us into, into… MEN!

Apollo: Um, I'm sorry?

Artemis: How dare you say such a thing! You will _never_, I repeat, never ever ever _ever_ make a man out of me! If you even dare _try_, I swear on the Styx, you will suffer my wrath! Oh, I _hate_ Disney. Disney shall SUFFER. When I get my hands on them, I'm gonna-

Apollo: Take a chill pill, sis. It's just a song.

Athena: _Just a song?_ It not only insults girls, but actually supports the idea of men empowerment and transgenderism! Apollo, this song is much more serious than you make it out to be.

Zeus: Oh, since when are you against men empowerment? Men can be extremely powerful, thank you very much.

Athena: Well, Father, you are an exception, of course. But it's just other men rulers…

Hades: Like the 43 American presidents who were all MEN?

Athena: Uncle, this doesn't concern you.

Hades: Actually, it kinda does, since I'm a male.

Demeter: Are you? Are you really?

Hades: Yes, I'm pretty sure I am.

Persephone: Mother, I can assure you that my husband is 100% male.

Demeter: I beg to differ. The little Death Brat is not the least bit manly.

Hades: Well, neither are you.

Demeter: I don't want to be manly, dummy.

Hades: Well, okay, because you're not manly. Like, at ALL.

Demeter: Good.

* * *

**QUOTE OF THE WEEK**

_Written by Zeus_

"What horrible things would you have to do in your life to get woven into Hades's underwear?"

-Perseus Jackson, Son of Poseidon

_**22 Comments for "Quote Of Th…"**_

Hades: Ha-ha, very funny. What is this, National Hate On Hades Day?

Aphrodite: Woven into Hades's underwear? Double eww.

Demeter: Oh, I feel so sorry for those poor souls who are stuck in there forever.

Hades: Okay, for the last time, _no one's_ woven into my underwear.

Athena: Are you sure about that?

Hades: You can check if you don't believe me.

Athena: I'll pass on that, thanks.

Poseidon: My son does have a point there, though. I would hate to be stuck with Hades for all eternity…

Hades: Brother, you SUCK.

Dionysus: Yes, yes he does. And you do too. Everyone sucks. Well, except for me.

Hestia: Remind me again why I gave up my spot as an Olympian for you?

Dionysus: Because I'm too awesome to be ignored.

Apollo: HA. HAHA. You. Awesome. That's a real knee-slapper.

Dionysus: Oh, come on. I'm much more awesome than you'll ever be. Admit it; wine is _so _much better than music, or healing, or poetry…

Apollo: Well, I'm a freaking PSYCHIC.

Dionysus: The correct word there, my friend, is _psychotic._

Apollo: Why, you little-

Athena: Well then, I realize this as potential for a full blown argument, so why don't we change the subject back to Hades's underwear?

Artemis: Ugh, that's utterly disgusting.

Hades: I am not disgusting!

Demeter: Oh yes, you totally are disgusting.

Hades: *sighs* Love you too, Demeter.

* * *

**Credit to rrfanman, SilverMoonGrimm, and Lilith Jae for Aphrodite's question ideas.**

**So, anywho... be sure to leave me your ideas for what should happen next; I need as many as possible! :) Have a great rest of your day!**


	15. Kiss Me, You Fool!

**A/N:**

**Hey guys! So, this chapter was inspired by **'A Guest'** (you know who you are!), who left me a review with an idea that I thought would be great for this chapter! I tweaked the idea just a bit, so... yeah. :) Thanks, **'A Guest'**!**

**Anywho... I want to wish you all a HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY AND SUN SCREEN DAY! (MAY 27) **

**And, one last random thought that I wanted to share with you guys: I just realized that the poll on my profile page has reached exactly 100 votes! Somehow I found that hilarious... Eh, I don't know. ;)**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

**ARTEMIS'S POV**

"So you see," Athena explained. "It was all a silly dare that I unfortunately agreed to."

"Ohhhh," I said, nodding my head in realization. "That makes perfect sense now."

I paused for a moment.

"Aphrodite was really persuasive, wasn't she?"

Athena shrugged.

"What do you expect? She can use charmspeak."

Oh, right.

"Well," I said, putting a hand on my half-sister's shoulder. "I'm just glad that you're not actually in love."

"So am I," Athena said.

I let out a long sigh.

"Anyway, I'd best be on my way," I said. "It's getting rather late, and I don't want Apollo to have too many extra hours of daylight than he needs."

"Yes, very well," Athena said. "Until later."

She disappeared with a flash, and I turned to my moon chariot. I had only just opened the door when a voice rang out behind me.

"Going somewhere?"

I whipped around, immediately narrowing my eyes at the sight before me.

"Eros," I said. "What do you want?"

He leaned against a nearby tree and smirked.

"Oh, just doing a little target practice, courtesy of Mother."

I raised an eyebrow.

"What, did Aphrodite send you here?"

"Of course."

For a second, my lips formed into a small smile.

"What a Mommy's Boy."

Eros scowled at me.

"Watch it, sweetheart. Mother sent me here for a reason, you know."

"And that would be?"

Eros smirked and tugged at one of his blonde curls.

"Like I said, target practice."

I scanned the forest quickly, then looked at him.

"Who's your target?" I asked. "There's no one here but you and…"

Eros nodded slowly as realization hit me.

"Hold still, sweetheart," he said, pointing his bow at me. "This won't hurt a bit."

I snorted.

"Oh, please," I said, crossing my arms. "You would never dare hit a virgin goddess with a love arrow."

"I beg to differ," he said. "Mother did say to spread love around the world, and who better to choose for a target than the goddess who hates love the most? Now, hold still."

He loaded his bow and tried to release an arrow at me, but I was too quick. My reflexes took over and I instantly transported myself to the first place that popped into my head, a place where Eros would never think to look for me.

I sprinted through Camp Half-Blood, turning the heads of several campers as they tried to comprehend what was going on. I made my way to the Big House and burst through the doors, panting heavily.

"L-Lady Artemis," Chiron stammered. "Is something wrong?"

"Just Eros," I said. "Up to his old tricks again. I just needed some place to hide, that's all."

"Ah," Chiron said, his facial expression much calmer.

I sighed.

"Can you believe him?" I said. "He actually tried to use me for target practice. _Me!_ Oh, the ignorance of some people these da-"

My thoughts came to an abrupt halt as I felt a sharp poke in my arm.

Oh, _Styx._ He'd found me.

My eyes widened in disbelief as I plucked the golden arrow from my arm. I couldn't believe it. Eros had hit me with a love arrow. I was doomed to fall in love. _Me_. A _virgin_ goddess.

"Oh, sweet mother of Zeus," I said to myself. "This can't be happening. This can't be!"

"Ah, but it is," Eros said.

"B-but… I _can't_ fall in love!" I pleaded. "My oath, my reputation!"

Eros smirked at me.

"Chillax, sweetheart," he said. "It's only temporary. You'll only be in love for… oh, let's say, a week."

I put my head in my hands and groaned.

"And who, exactly, am I going to be in love with?"

"That's for me to know and you to find out."

"Oh, for heaven's sake," I said. "Tell me who so I can avoid them for the next week."

"Okay," he said. "Turn around."

I turned.

"What?" I demanded. "All I see are Chiron, Argus, and Dion- Oh, my gods..."

My jaw dropped, for I had suddenly noticed a _huge_ difference in Dionysus. For some reason, I just couldn't take my eyes off his own purple orbs, no matter how hard I tried. And I suddenly longed for a nice, tall glass of wine…

I shook my head hard. No, I won't allow this. I _can't_ be in love with Dionysus!

But, he's just so tempting… so dreamy… utter _perfection_ in that adorable leopard-print shirt of his…

Ugh! No, no, no!

I felt as if I was having an argument with myself; one side of me was in denial while the other side longed for Dionysus…

I smacked my forehead hard.

_Remember, Artemis, you are a virgin goddess. Love is a big no-no, no matter how beautiful Dionysus may be… _

"Come on, sweetheart," Eros said. "Your true love is sitting right in front of you. Why not tell him how you feel?"

As if by magic, Eros's words washed over me with such power that my lips started twitching violently.

_Oh, curse his stupid charmspeak._

I clamped my hand tightly over my mouth, for I was on the verge of confessing my love for Dionysus. The _total-virgin-no-boys-whatsoever_ side of me was weakening fast, but I still had enough common sense left in me that I knew I wasn't going to let Eros get the best of me. I was _not_ going to tell Dionysus I love him.

"What are you waiting for, Artemis?" Eros said, putting an excessive amount of charmspeak into his words. "Tell Dionysus how you feel about him."

My grip on my mouth grew tighter, and it took every ounce of my power not to let go.

"_Now."_

And just like that, I couldn't take it anymore. Eros's charmspeak was just too much for me to handle.

"Oh, Dionysus," I gasped, kneeling in front of said god with my arms extended. "Never before have I seen such a fine presence, such beauty and poise mixed with the powerful aura of wine! My heart longs for you, my love, and I would be most honored if you would be my companion for all eternity!"

Dionysus's eyes widened at my sudden outburst.

"You're joking, right?"

"Oh, I would never joke about true love!" I said. "Now, what do you say, my love? You are my heart's true desire. Am I yours?"

Dionysus just gaped at me, still shocked that I had revealed my true feelings for him.

"Uh, Artemis," he finally managed to choke out. "I'm, um, very_ flattered_ that you find me so…"

"Amazing?" I suggested. "Beautiful? Drool-worthy?"

He blinked.

"Um, yes," he said. "That. But I just don't… Well, seeing that you are a _virgin_ goddess after all…"

"Come on," I said. "Spit it out. Do you love me or not?"

"Well," Dionysus said. "No. I've never really had feelings for you."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Come again?"

"I said, I don't love you."

I stood up violently, pulling him out of his chair.

"I have just told you that I love you," I said. "I expect the same response in return!"

Dionysus took a step back, raising his hands defensively.

"Jeez, woman!" he said. "Calm down!"

"Calm down?" I spat, my eyes alight with fury. "CALM DOWN?! You don't love me!"

"Um, I'm sorry?"

"You don't love me, but I love you!"

"Uh, that's very nice."

"Yes, it is," I said. "But I will not give up! I will not rest until you love me! I shall make you mine!"

Dionysus backed away from me slowly.

"I think I'm just gonna go now…"

"Nonsense," I said. "Come here and kiss me."

"Are you insane?!"

I took a step toward him.

"Oh, come on! Kiss me, you fool!"

"No, thank you!" he said, still inching toward the doorway.

"Kiss me. Now."

I lunged toward Dionysus, causing him to yelp and bolt out the door.

"Oh, not so fast!" I hollered, chasing after him. "Come back here and give me the kiss I deserve!"

I sprinted as fast as I could after my true love, yelling at him all the while. I would stop at nothing to get him back. I would get that kiss eventually…


	16. Issue VIII

**A/N: Hey guys! So sorry I haven't updated in a while; I had finals last week, so my schedule was kind of crazy. But school's over now, so yay!**

**Anyway... HAPPY HUG HOLIDAY! (JUNE 11) Well, I guess I'll just give you a virtual hug then. *hugs computer***

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE VIII

* * *

**ARTEMIS HAS GONE INSANE**

_Written by Dionysus_

You must believe me when I say this: this past weekend, the goddess of the hunt has suddenly been acting crazier than usual. I was just sitting at Camp, playing pinochle as usual, when Artemis suddenly rushed in and declared her undying love for me. She then demanded that I kiss her, and proceeded to chase me around Camp. My gods, she wouldn't stop chasing me…

_**18 Comments for "Artemis Has G…"**_

Apollo: You didn't turn into a tree, did you? You should have. You should have turned into a tree.

Aphrodite: Eeeeek! True love!

Artemis: NO. No, no, no! This is all just a big misunderstanding. You see, it was just another one of Eros's silly pranks. I had no choice but to fall in love with that _wine-crazed lunatic._

Dionysus: Excuse me?

Aphrodite: Oh, come on, Artemis! You know you want him.

Artemis: Well, maybe I did at the time, but I assure you that Eros's love spell has well worn off.

Athena: Oh, what a relief. I honestly panicked when I read that article.

Apollo: Yeah, about that… Arty, you really demanded a kiss from _him?_

Artemis: Yes. Why?

Apollo: *evil laugh*

Artemis: Oh, no. Apollo, don't tell me you're going to-

Hermes: Hold this against you forever? Yeah. That's exactly what he's going to do.

Artemis: Oh, come on. That's simply pathetic.

Apollo: It's called blackmailing, sis. Maybe you should try it sometime.

Artemis: Hmm… Holding something against you for all eternity… That actually doesn't sound half bad.

Apollo: _What?_ No, I didn't mean that literally! That was just an expression!

Artemis: *evil laugh*

Apollo: *facepalm* Great. Just perfect.

* * *

**POSEIDON CLAIMS ANOTHER CHILD**

_Written by Anonymous_

That's right, folks; the great and powerful Poseidon has broken the oath not once, but _twice!_ Twelve-year-old Watery Wave was claimed at Camp yesterday by the one and only sea god himself. The little girl is the perfect mix of the big three; she's got none of Hades's and Zeus's disgusting genes, and all of Poseidon's awesomeness. Let's just hope she turns out as amazing as her father.

_**28 Comments for "Poseidon Cla…"**_

Hermes: OMG, TROLL.

Athena: Nice try, Poseidon, but this was the most fake thing I've ever read.

Poseidon: _What?_ This isn't fake!

Athena: Ha. I find that hard to believe.

Poseidon: What makes you think it's fake? This article is 100% real!

Athena: _Watery Wave?_ Do you not know how to name a child, Kelp Head?

Poseidon: Hey, Watery is a great name.

Athena: Yeah. Sure it is.

Artemis: Who did you say the mother was again?

Poseidon: Oh… The mother… Well, her name is, er…

Demeter: Come on. Spit it out.

Poseidon: Um… uh…

Athena: The _name_, Kelp Head.

Poseidon: Gimme a sec here… Oh, got it! Her name is Tidal Wave.

Athena: *bursts out laughing*

Poseidon: What? What is it?

Athena: T-Tidal Wave… My gods, Kelp Head! Who knew the lord of the seas could be so shallow sometimes?

Apollo: Ha, punny.

Poseidon: What's wrong with Tidal Wave?

Athena: It's the worst name I've ever seen, even though it's fake!

Hermes: Actually, I've seen worse. I recently read a book where the main character was named Ponyboy.

Poseidon: _Ponyboy?_ Wow, that's even worse than Watery or Tidal Wave! Ponyboy… That has got to be the ugliest, most dreadful name I've ever heard of!

Ares: Hold it, Poseidon; You're the father of all ponies… and you're a boy… So wouldn't that make you a Ponyboy?

Poseidon: …No comment.

Aphrodite: Poseidon's a Ponyboy! Poseidon's a Ponyboy!

Poseidon: Speak for yourself, Aphrodite; you're a, a… Partypooper!

Aphrodite: Ew.

Poseidon: Exactly.

* * *

**APOLLO'S SONG OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

This one's dedicated to Demeter, from Hades!

DUUUUMB WAYS TO DIE, SO MANY DUMB WAYS TO DIE… DUMB WAYS TO DI-I-I-IE, SO MANY DUMB WAYS TO DIE!

_**13 Comments for "Apollo's Song O…"**_

Artemis: Brother… are you encouraging us to _die?_

Hermes: No, he's encouraging you to be safe around trains.

Athena: Wait, _what?_

Demeter: HADES.

Hades: Yes, milady?

Demeter: YOU STINKING DEATH BRAT. I HATE YOU!

Hades: Yeah, I know. Oh, did you like my song dedication? It reminded me so much of you.

Demeter: DEATH REMINDED YOU OF _ME?!_

Hades: Yes, exactly. How would it not, since I want you to die?

Demeter: So this song was just encouragement for me to die…

Hermes: No, it was encouragement for you to be safe around trains.

Demeter: _What_?

Hermes: Never mind.

* * *

**QUOTE OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

"Wow, Apollo is hot."

-Thalia Grace, Daughter of Zeus

_**29 Comments for "Quote Of Th…"**_

Poseidon: Okay, who let him pick the quote this week?

Ares: I think he picked himself.

Artemis: APOLLO! Why would you pick _this_ quote, of everything?

Apollo: Cuz Thals called me hot. ;)

Artemis: I'll have you know that Thalia is a huntress now! If she called you "hot" then, she probably regrets it now!

Apollo: Arty, _no one_ regrets being in love with moi. The experience is just that amazing.

Artemis: *retches* Oh, that's highly revolting.

Aphrodite: No, no, Apollo, you've got it all wrong. _I'm_ the one people don't regret being in love with.

Hephaestus: Oh, really? That's incredibly hard to believe.

Zeus: Yeah. After all, _I'm_ the most loved one here.

Apollo: No, I am!

Aphrodite: I am!

Zeus: No, _I_ am. I doubt any of you could top 140 kids!

Artemis: Father, don't encourage them! The last thing we need are a bunch of little Apollo-clones, running around and spreading chaos… Oh, I think I'm going to be sick…

Hephaestus: Or mini versions of Aphrodite, trying to get the whole world in love…

Hera: Or clones of Zeus… Do you know how fast they would reproduce?

Apollo: Hey, I can understand how bad the others would be, but I'd be doing the world a favor by replacing most of the population with _my _clones. My awesomeness needs to be spread somehow.

Artemis: A planet full of Apollos… Oh. My. Gods.

Apollo: Oh, like a planet full of _you _would be any better.

Artemis: Actually, it would be, since my planet would be filled with levelheaded virgin maidens, whereas yours would be filled with your psychotic little minions.

Apollo: Well, _my _planet wou-

Athena: Okay, stop! I highly doubt there will be a planet full of either of you in the first place, so there's really no need to argue about whose clones would outdo the other's.

Hera: All because Zeus had to go and mention his kids… now look what's happened!

Zeus: Hey, my kids are _amazing_.

Hera: I hate them. Every one of them.

Apollo: Even me?

Hera: _Especially_ you and your no-good twin.

Apollo: You're mean. :(

Hera: Yes, yes I am.


	17. It's MINE!

**A/N: Hey guys! So, not much to say today, except HAPPY GO FISHING DAY, INTERNATIONAL PANIC DAY, AND NATIONAL SPLURGE DAY (JUNE 18)! Hope you enjoy this next chapter!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

**HERMES'S POV**

"Hermes!" Demeter yelled in my face. "They've done it again!"

I raised an eyebrow.

"_Who_ has done _what_, exactly?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Oh, don't act like you don't already know. Your sons, Travis and Connor! They've gone and pranked my dear, sweet Katie yet again!"

"Wonderful!" I said, smiling. "What did they do?"

Demeter scowled at me.

"It's not wonderful, you nitwit! I want it to stop!"

I gasped and put my hand on my chest dramatically.

"Why on Olympus would you wish such a thing?" I said with mock hurt.

She snarled at me, her eyes viciously flashing.

"Okay, okay," I said, holding my hands up. "Jeez. I was only kidding. Now, just what did Travis and Connor do to your darling daughter again?"

"Do you remember that one time they put that golden mango with the words 'For the Fairest' in the Aphrodite cabin?"

"Yeah."

"Well," Demeter said. "They've done it to my cabin now."

"And they fell for it?"

"Of course," she said as if I was supposed to know the answer.

I made a mental note to congratulate my sons later.

"Mm-hmm," I said. "But I don't quite understand how this concerns Katie."

"It concerns Katie because she was the one who got the mango in the end, only to find that it was just a rock painted gold!" Demeter sighed in exasperation. "The poor girl ended up chipping her tooth… now she won't be able to eat cereal for days."

I snorted. Of course she was mad about cereal. Why hadn't I seen it sooner?

"I'm sorry, Demeter," I said, pushing her out the door. "I'll tell them not to do it again."

"They had better not!" she said. "Why, if I ever catch them doing it again, I-"

_Slam!_

I banged the door in her face, saving myself from having to go through another cereal rant.

"Have a nice day," I called through the door.

I sat down on a nearby couch to think for a moment. A golden mango, eh? A great idea, if you ask me. After all, even a goddess could be fooled by that one…

Suddenly, I sat up straight. What if I pulled this very prank at our next council meeting, but with a slight twist? Instead of using a rock, I would use a real mango, filled with a potion to make the eater as ugly as possible… The goddesses would be at each other's throats for sure, and it would be hilarious!

I stood up and headed toward the door. Oh, this was going to be good…

* * *

_AT THE COUNCIL MEETING…_

* * *

"The council of the Olympians is now called to order," Zeus said. "And now, for our first order of business…"

I waited patiently for hours, trying to decide the right moment to put my plan into action. Finally, when I realized everyone was as bored as could be, I snapped my fingers ever so silently and watched the others' faces for the slightest reaction.

"So, does anyone else have any- my goodness, what the Hades is _that?"_

Zeus pointed toward the ceiling, and everyone else followed his gaze to see… a glowing golden mango slowly descending downward, words scribbled across the top in a scripty font.

Gasps filled the air as everyone took in the sight, and I saw Demeter give me a look from across the room.

"What does it say?" Ares asked, squinting at the letters.

"It looks like it says… 'For the Fairest'," Apollo said.

Suddenly, Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite stood up simultaneously.

"It's MINE!" They all cried.

The three goddesses immediately pounced on the mango, each attempting to rip it from the clutch of the others' hands.

"Let… go…" Hera strained, tugging on the mango. "That mango… is clearly meant… for _me!_"

"Nonsense…" Athena growled, pulling the mango in her direction. "It's… for… _me!"_

"You're both wrong…." Aphrodite said through gritted teeth. "I'm… the most beautiful… so that mango… is _mine!"_

We heard a sharp whistle pierce the air, and the fighting ceased for a moment as we all turned to look at Zeus.

"Ladies," he said. "We do not need a repeat of the Trojan War! How about we make peace and cut the mango into thirds?"

"NO!" Aphrodite, Hera, and Athena cried, and the fighting resumed as each goddess tried to claw her way to the mango.

Total chaos filled the room as everyone tried to break up the fight and the three goddesses screamed insults at each other. As for me, I just sat calmly in my throne, snickering silently to myself.

Finally, Aphrodite managed to pry the mango free, holding it up in the air proudly.

"I got it! I got it!" she cried as Athena and Hera attempted to tackle her once more. "Once again, I have proved I'm the fairest of us all!"

"Liar!" Athena screamed.

"Cheater!" Hera added.

"Idiot!"

"Coward!"

"τρελός μανιακός!" _Crazy maniac!_

"φάουλ πλάσμα!" _Foul creature!_

"That's enough," Zeus said sternly. "Now, I really shouldn't be doing this, but seeing as Aphrodite got to the mango first, she may keep it."

"Ha!" Aphrodite said, pointing accusingly at Athena and Hera. "I told you I was the fairest!"

"Hold up," Zeus intervened before Athena and Hera had a chance to speak. "In no way did I say you were the fairest, Aphrodite. I merely said you were the first to get to the mango."

"But I-"

"I said, that's _enough_," Zeus stated. "Now, since this matter of business is finished, I call this council meeting dismissed."

We all silently got up from our thrones and walked out of the throne room, Aphrodite hugging her prize tightly to her chest (Athena and Hera were still shooting dirty looks at her, of course).

"Hermes," I heard someone call behind me.

I turned to see Demeter walking toward me.

"Yes, my lovely lady?"

She crossed her arms.

"Come on, spill it," she said. "That was your mango, wasn't it?"

"Of course it was," I said.

"I knew it," she said.

"But there's more," I said. "I had Hecate fill the mango with a potion that transforms the devourer from beautiful to… well, let's just say _not so hot._"

Demeter's face paled.

"You didn't," she said.

"Oh, but I did," I said, smiling. "Aphrodite's going to be in for quite a nice surprise when she eats that mango. And her picture's going to be in the paper, for all of Olympus to see…"


	18. Issue IX

**A/N: Hey guys! So... not that much to say today, except HAPPY INDEPENDENCE DAY, NATIONAL COUNTRY MUSIC DAY, AND SIDEWALK EGG FRYING DAY! (JULY 4) Hope you guys enjoy this next chapter!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE IX

* * *

**APHRODITE IS… UGLY?**

Written by Hermes

That's right, folks; the ever-so-beautiful goddess of love has been looking worse for wear these past few days. The word is that she underwent a mysterious transformation, and the end result was… well, ugly. I assure you, the cause for this sudden change of appearance is _completely_ unknown, with no clues whatsoever about who could be behind this hilario- I mean, _tragic_ incident. Attached below is a picture of Aphrodite after she turned ugly. The image may be too much for some of you to handle, so look at your own risk. You have been warned.

_**34 Comments for "Aphrodite I…"**_

Aphrodite: NO! Don't look! No one must ever see me like this!

Hermes: Too late. *snickers*

Ares: Holy Hephaestus… Aph, what _happened?!_

Hermes: Someone slipped her an ugly potion. At least, that's what I think happened.

Athena: Ha! _Now_ who's the fairest of us all?

Hera: Not Aphrodite, that's for sure!

Athena: Well, not that she ever was in the first place.

Hera: Right.

Hephaestus: Oh my gods… Aphrodite looks so…

Athena: Horrendous?

Hera: Preposterous?

Athena: Simply horrifying?

Hephaestus: Uh, yeah. That.

Zeus: And I do find it rather suspicious that there were no clues left of who's responsible for this silly little prank. Do you have any idea, Aphrodite?

Aphrodite: No! I was just eating my golden mango, minding my own business, and BAM! I turned u… u-ug…

Athena: Come on, say it! U-G-L-Y! What's that spell? Ugly, ugly, UGLY!

Ares: Oh, stop teasing, Athena. This isn't funny! I'm gonna pulverize whoever did this to my girlfriend!

Demeter: Oh, it's _so_ sad that no clues were left behind at all… I have absolutely _no idea_ who could be behind this. *gestures to Hermes*

Poseidon: Wait! I got it! Aphrodite said she turned ugly after she ate the mango… so maybe the ugly potion was inside the mango!

Aphrodite: *gasps* Why, that must be it! But… who put the potion inside?

Demeter: Might I mention that Hermes's sons pulled a prank involving a golden mango recently?

Hephaestus: Yeah, I'm stumped. Anyone could have put the potion inside that mango.

Demeter: *clears throat* I _said,_ HERMES'S sons are pranksters.

Zeus: Perhaps it was Hecate who did it? She is the one who makes all those potions, after all.

Artemis: Yes, that makes sense.

Demeter: No, it wasn't Hecate! HERMES DID IT!

Hermes: Don't be silly, Demeter. Why on Olympus would I do such a childish thing?

Apollo: Yeah, Demeter, stop accusing Hermes. He isn't that much of a prankster. You know what… I'll bet _you_ did it yourself!

Demeter: *facepalms* No, you ignorant fool! Hermes snuck the ugly potion into the mango! He told me so himself!

Athena: Tsk, tsk. How immature of you, Demeter. Doing such a horrible thing, then lying to cover it up? Though I'm not the biggest fan of Aphrodite, I still don't think your actions were really necessary.

Zeus: Oh, what a shame. Our most sane sister has finally taken a trip to the dark side.

Demeter: No! I didn't do it! It was Hermes, I tell you! Hermes!

Poseidon: There's really no use arguing, Demeter. We've caught you red-handed. You may as well fess up now.

Demeter: *screams in frustration*

* * *

**PERCABETH: GOOD OR BAD?**

_Written by Aphrodite_

Well, we've all heard by now that Percy Jackson and Annabeth Chase are officially dating. So, gods and goddesses, what do you think of the young couple? Let us know in the comments!

_**24 Comments for "Percabet…"**_

Athena: Really, Aphrodite? Must you do this again? I'm already having enough trouble accepting the fact that Annabeth is dating Kelp Head's spawn, so I would really appreciate it if you would stop rubbing it in my face all the time.

Poseidon: The same goes for me too. And hopefully everyone else agrees with me.

Ares: Well, I don't. I personally like Percabeth. Athena's kid is good for Jackson, don't you think? The little punk needs someone to keep him under control.

Athena: I suppose that's true…

Aphrodite: And they're just so _cute _together! Their love for each other is so strong, so passionate… Oh, it's so romantic!

Apollo: Yeah, I've got to agree with Aph on this one. Besides, there's nothing wrong with a little young love. If I remember correctly, I had my first crush when I was one.

Artemis: You were _ONE YEAR OLD?!_

Apollo: No, I was one _century _old_._ Gosh, woman, get your facts straight.

Artemis: Oh, thank the gods. You almost gave me a heart attack.

Hera: Hmm… what do I think of Percabeth? Well, I guess I approve, but only if Percy stays loyal to Annabeth. Unlike _some_ people I know…

Zeus: Um, I'm sorry?

Hera: Yeah. You'd better be.

Dionysus: Now, what I want to know is why these children, most of which are mere teenagers, are falling in love left and right! It's sickening, really.

Aphrodite: _Sickening? _Honey, the right word is _romantic._

Hermes: Well, I guess I approve of Percabeth. I mean, it's nice to see that Percy and Annabeth are happy after all they've been through. I'm just glad none of my children are in any relationships…

Aphrodite: Wait… you haven't heard of Tratie?

Hermes: Um, no. What's Tratie?

Aphrodite: Oh my gods! You haven't heard the rumors?

Hermes: No, I haven't. Would you please just tell me what Tratie is?

Aphrodite: Shame on you, Hermes. _Everybody_ knows that Travis Stoll and Katie Gardner are a couple.

Hermes: Travis and Katie are _what?_

Aphrodite: I just told you, they're a couple! Well, unofficially, but it's bound to happen soon.

Hermes: Travis and Katie are _WHAT?!_

Athena: Ah, pardon me for interrupting, but I think it's best that we save that subject for another time. Shall we move on to the next article?

* * *

**APOLLO'S SONG OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Apollo_

This one's dedicated to my little sis! I know you just _adore_ this song, Arty.

NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN!

_**28 Comments for "Apollo's Song O…"**_

Poseidon: ?

Artemis: NO. Not this. _Anything_ but this!

Zeus: Um, Daughter, what exactly is this?

Artemis: It's the cat!

Athena: It's the _what?_

Artemis: NYAN CAT! The single most annoying thing in the universe! Well, besides my idiot of a brother who brought this subject up _once again!_

Hermes: Wait, I thought Apollo said you _liked _this song.

Artemis: Well, you should have known better! I HATE IT! I HATE HATE HATE HATE IT!

Apollo: Haha. Hahaha. I laugh at your frustration.

Artemis: SHUT UP. I'LL DEAL WITH YOU LATER.

Apollo: OKAY. OH, AND YOU MIGHT WANT TO LET GO OF THE SHIFT KEY.

Artemis: Gods of Olympus, you are so annoying!

Apollo: Thanks, I try. NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN.

Artemis: Oh, sweet Hades, I would throw you into Tartarus if I could.

Hermes: That bad, huh?

Artemis: You don't know the half of it.

Apollo: NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN.

Artemis: Okay, that is _it._ Hephaestus, could you do me a quick favor?

Apollo: NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NY-

**[We're sorry for the inconvenience. Apollo has temporarily been blocked from Olympus Weekly for excessive use of the word "nyan." Have a good rest of your day. ~Site Moderators]**

Artemis: Oh, he's finally gone. Thanks, Hephaestus.

Hephaestus: No prob. He was starting to annoy me too.

Poseidon: So… what does "nyan" mean, exactly?

Artemis: Nothing. It means nothing!

Athena: So that song is just one made-up word repeated over and over again… well, I can see why you hate it.

Hermes: Hate it? Are you kidding? That song is _awesome!_

Artemis: Would you like to be blocked too?

Hermes: Um, no. I'm good.

Artemis: Thank you.

* * *

**QUOTE OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Hephaestus_

"You're pretty smug, Lord Ares, for a guy who runs from Cupid statues."

-Perseus Jackson, Son of Poseidon

_**27 Comments for "Quote Of T…"**_

Ares: Grr... I hate that little brat.

Poseidon: Haha, Ares is afraid of Cupid. Meaning, he's afraid of love!

Aphrodite: *gasps* No! Tell me that's not true!

Ares: What, are you insane? Of course it's not true! Why would a macho man like me be afraid of something as petty as _love?_

Zeus: Because you were afraid of the Cupid statues.

Ares: Okay, for the last time, I wasn't afraid of them! I just wanted to humiliate Jackson on live television!

Athena: Oh, I remember that… The Tunnel of Love incident, wasn't it? That was horrifying. All those spiders everywhere… *shudders*

Poseidon: Aw, is Atheeny-Weeny scared of the spidey-wideys?

Athena: Did you just call me _Atheeny-Weeny?_

Hermes: Weenie? *giggles* Like a wiener dog?

Poseidon: Athena's a wiener dog, Athena's a wiener dog!

Athena: Ugh! I am _not_ a wiener dog! And, Poseidon, might I remind you that you have fears, too?

Poseidon: Oh, yeah? Like what?

Athena: Me.

Poseidon: Okay, that doesn't count. _Everyone's_ scared of you.

Athena: Well, that's what we girls are here for, isn't it? Someone's got to keep you males under control.

Artemis: That's right. If girls weren't around, the male population would have destroyed the world by now.

Hermes: Hey! That's not true!

Demeter: I hate to break it to you, but it's perfectly true. Why, even the most evil person of all time (Hades) is male!

Hades: That's where you're wrong. The most evil person of all time (Demeter) is _female._

Athena: No, no, you're both wrong. I think we can all agree that Kronos is the most evil person of all time.

Zeus: Yes, that's true.

Demeter: So then I was right, the most evil person really is male!

Hades: *grumbles* I hate the female population.

Artemis: What was that?

Hades: Uh, nothing!

Artemis: Good.


	19. A Visit To Camp

**A/N: Hey guys! Soooo super sorry for the long update! I'm not going to waste any time with excuses, because they really don't change the fact that I haven't updated in a while. So, yeah, sorry again. :)**

**Okay, now that that's out of the way, we can get to the awesome stuff. Like the fact that this fic now has over 400 reviews! WOOHOO! Thank you guys so much! Virtual cookies for all of you! (::) (::) (::)**

**While we're still in the mood to celebrate, HAPPY MOON DAY AND UGLY TRUCK DAY! (JULY 20) Hope you enjoy this next chapter!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

**POSEIDON'S POV**

I sat in lazily in the throne room, drumming my fingers on my thigh. For once, I had finished all my duties and was left with absolutely nothing to do with my time but wait for something to just _happen._

I turned my gaze to the only other occupant of the throne room, who was currently typing furiously on her laptop, muttering to herself.

"Athena?" I called.

"Quiet," she said sternly, not even bothering to look up at me. "I'm trying to work."

"Oh. Okay."

I leaned back against my throne and sighed for the billionth time. I swung my legs back and forth, then started slowly spinning my throne away from Athena.

"Bye, Athena," I called when I could no longer see her.

She didn't answer.

I turned my throne another 180 degrees until she was visible again.

"Hello again, Athena."

Still no answer.

I continued spinning my throne around and around in circles, laughing and whooping as I spun faster and faster, until Athena finally snapped her head up.

"Would you just _stop?"_

I immediately stopped spinning and stuck my tongue out at her.

"Thank you," she said.

After a few more seconds of boredom, I stood up to stretch, and sat down on my throne again.

_Hmm… it's bouncier than I thought…_

I stood up again and sat back down, hard. Sure enough, I bounced right back up.

_Hey, this is rather fun…_

I repeated this cycle multiple times, and soon I was laughing and bouncing like a little child, my throne squeaking from my weight.

I saw Athena raise an eyebrow at me.

_She's watching. Time to really ham things up!_

I stood up one final time, glancing at Athena. I jumped high into the air, landing feet-first on my throne. But, to my horror, my weight was just too much for the throne to handle, and I went toppling down, the throne falling on top of me.

By this time, I could tell Athena was doing her best to hold in her giggles.

"Nice one, Kelp Head," she said with a satisfied smile. "Good luck trying to explain to the others how you broke your throne."

Then, she pulled out a camera from behind her back and held it up.

"Oh, wait," she said. "You won't have to! I got the whole thing on video!"

I wriggled out from under my throne, stood up, and frowned at her.

"Very funny, Athena."

"Yes," she said. "It is. Now, why don't you tell me what's going on? You're obviously trying to get my attention, for some unknown reason."

"Gods, Athena," I said. "You make it sound like I want to declare my undying love for you."

She crossed her arms.

"Do you?"

"NO!" I yelled, the sound echoing throughout the throne room.

"Okay then," Athena said. "What do you want?"

"I'm bored."

"Okay. Just do something."

"Yeah," I said. "As if I haven't thought of that."

"All right," she said. "You want something to do? Write a 100-page essay on why Athena is awesome."

"No thank you."

"Fine then," she said. "Uh, you could go bother one of the other gods. You know, gods whose names aren't Athena."

I pretended to think about this for a moment, then shook my head.

"Nah. Where's the fun in that?"

"You're running out of options, Kelp Head," Athena said, tapping her foot impatiently. "Just go somewhere."

"Like _where?"_

"Um, maybe Camp?" she said. "You haven't visited your son in a while."

I opened my mouth to protest, but suddenly realized that Athena had a point.

"Hmm… you're right," I said. "I really _haven't_ visited Perseus in a while, have I?"

"I suppose not."

"Then it's settled," I declared. "I shall go to Camp to visit my son! And then I will resume bothering you."

Athena rolled her eyes and continued to type on her laptop, and I teleported myself into Camp.

I really wish the landing would have gone better.

One would expect that teleportation would leave you… oh, I don't know, _on the ground._ But the Fates just _had_ to play a cruel trick on me, and I found myself suspended 20 feet in mid-air.

So, of course everyone was surprised when a screaming god crashed straight through the roof of the Big House.

"Oooh…" I moaned as I got up and dusted myself off.

"Uh," Chiron said, carefully approaching me. "Pardon me if I ask, Lord Poseidon, but what exactly are you doing?"

Before I had a chance to speak, Dionysus butted in.

"Interrupting our pinochle game, that's what!" he grumbled. "The maniac's broken our table!"

"Well, you can thank the Fates for that," I said.

"Mm-hmm…" Chiron said. "Anyway, my Lord, is there any reason behind your visit?"

"Ah, yes," I said. "I'm looking for Perseus."

"Try the canoe lake," Dionysus muttered. "He's always going off there with that Annie Bell girl."

"Her name's Annabeth," I said.

"Yes, Annie Bell," Dionysus replied, a blank look on his face. "That's what I said."

I looked at Chiron, who simply shrugged.

"Thank you," I said, and turned to leave the Big House.

Just as Dionysus had said, I started to hear voices as I neared the canoe lake.

"It's just that Poseidon…" Percy was saying.

Oh, they're talking about me? Now, this I want to hear.

I hid behind a nearby bush and continued to listen to the conversation.

"Tell me, Seaweed Brain," Annabeth said.

"It's just that… I'm starting to feel a bit neglected," Percy said.

Annabeth sighed.

"We all feel that way," she said. "I guess we just have to get used to the fact that our parents will never include us in any of their godly business."

Okay, excuse me, Little Miss Mini-Athena, but we are _gods_, and you are _children._ Of course you wouldn't be able to handle thousand-year-old business.

"Yeah, I know," Percy said. "But I guess I'd think my dad was a lot cooler if he included us in some stuff."

I froze. Say _what?_ My son doesn't think I'm cool enough?

Wait a second… I can take advantage of this! Percy said that he wishes that we included our children into some of our godly business… and I know how we can do just that! The children are feeling neglected, huh? Oh, just wait until they see what's in store for them…


	20. Issue X

**A/N: Hey guys! So, I've got some exciting news for all you Hunger Games fans! FireBird128 is writing a SYOT story, featuring my two tributes Tristan MacNeil from District 4 and Melody Wright from District 5! Check out the story at **/s/9426997/1/Blood-on-Stone-The-Fourth-Quarter-Que ll !

**And some other exciting news: This story now has 100 favs! WOW! Thank you guys so much! **

**Now, since we're still in the mood for celebrating, ****HAPPY LAZY DAY AND NATIONAL S'MORES DAY (AUGUST 10)! Hope you enjoy this next chapter; it's my longest one yet!**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE X

* * *

**IT'S DEMIGOD WEEK!**

_Written by Poseidon_

That's right, everyone; in celebration of the 10th issue of Olympus Weekly, I have decided to make this week (and this week only, mind you) Demigod Week! The children won't be able to write articles for safety reasons, but they get to submit their comments! So, demigods of all ages, are you ready to have some fun?

_**32 Comments for "It's Demigo…"**_

Hermes: This should be interesting…

Athena: Oh, no. Kelp Head, what made you think you had the authority to do this?! They're going to ruin my newspaper!

Percy Jackson: Whoa, this is cool. I didn't know you guys had your own newspaper.

Athena: Well, it was supposed to be a gods-only thing, but _somebody_ had other plans.

Dionysus: Oh, you've got to be kidding me. You're letting the brats take over our newspaper?!

Ares: Yeah, I thought this was supposed to be _Olympus_ Weekly…

Athena: Not anymore. Might as well call it 'Everything Greek-Related Weekly', thanks to Poseidon.

Poseidon: Chillax, guys. It's only this one time. Besides, what could possibly go wrong?

Leo Valdez: Helllloooooo, everybody! Hot stuff is here! Now, who wants to have some Leo time? ;)

Athena: That. That could possibly go wrong.

Piper McLean: Can it, Valdez. No one wants Leo time.

Leo Valdez: Oh, please. Everybody wants Leo time.

Annabeth Chase: Um, no. We don't.

Luke Castellan: Maybe nobody wants Leo time, but I know I want some Annabeth time. ;)

Hermes: Luke…?! B-But how?!

Annabeth Chase: Hold on, let me guess; The Underworld has great Wi-Fi?

Luke Castellan: Ugh, I hate when people say that. It's nothing but a nasty rumor that's spreading around. Truth is, Lord Hades hogs the Wi-Fi all to himself. Whereas we poor souls get left with nothing...

Hermes: Then how are you…?

Luke Castellan: Well, I saw the Doors of Death were open. So I left through them. Now, how 'bout that Annabeth time?

Percy Jackson: *facepalm*

Athena: You see, Poseidon? See what you have caused? You have just invited Kronos's past host into Olympus Weekly. Imagine all the damage he can do!

Luke Castellan: Damage? Me? Hey, I'm innocent. All I want is some Annabeth time!

Annabeth Chase: Uh, that's really flattering and all, but you blew your chance when you had it. Besides, Percy is a much better boyfriend than you could ever dream to be.

Percy Jackson: And must I bring up the fact that you just came back from the dead?

Hazel Levesque: *clears throat*

Percy Jackson: Oh… right. Sorry. You're an exception, Hazel.

Artemis: You're seriously doing this? You're allowing a formerly dead host of Kronos and all the other children to participate in a godly newspaper? No offense, Poseidon, but this sounds like trouble.

Athena: That's what I've been saying all this time! But, however, there is one way I can use this to my advantage…

Poseidon: And that is?

Athena: I get to humiliate you in front of the children.

Poseidon: _You?_ Humiliate _me?_ I'd like to see you try.

Athena: Okay.

* * *

**KLUTZY GOD BREAKS INDESTRUCTIBLE THRONE**

_Written by Athena_

Just this past week, Poseidon the Kelp Head managed to break his throne, which was supposedly indestructible. How did he do it? Attached below is a link to a video of the incident. Notice how Poseidon starts bouncing up and down on the throne, then idiotically jumps feet-first onto it, causing it to uproot from the floor. And I thought indestructible meant 'not able to be destroyed'… Could this mean that Poseidon is a savage killing machine? Or is he just an accident waiting to happen?

_**27 Comments for "Klutzy God Bre…"**_

Athena: How's that for humiliation, Kelp Head?

Percy Jackson: Dad, you really did that? Why the Hades would you do something stupid like that?

Annabeth Chase: Percy, why are you acting so surprised? Breaking an indestructible throne by playing with it sounds exactly like something you would do…

Athena: Well, he is Poseidon's son, after all. I guess klutziness is in his blood.

Poseidon: Okay, whoa. _Savage killing machine?_ That's not me!

Ares: Yeah, Poseidon's not a savage killing machine. That's _my_ job.

Artemis: And the 'accident waiting to happen' thing doesn't really apply to Poseidon. However, that is a perfect description for Apollo.

Apollo: Uh, I hate to burst your bubble, sis, but I'm not an accident waiting to happen.

Artemis: Hmm… I suppose that's true. You aren't an accident waiting to happen because you're an accident that's already happening.

Athena: Yes, well, I bet we're all having fun ridiculing each other here, but can we please get back to the whole 'humiliating Poseidon' thing?

Hephaestus: Yeah, about that, how exactly did Poseidon manage to break one of my indestructible thrones? That's impossible, hence the words 'INDESTRUCTIBLE thrones'.

Athena: He broke it because he's a Kelp Head.

Poseidon: I am not!

Athena: Are too!

Poseidon: Am not!

Athena: Are too!

Poseidon: Am not!

Percy Jackson: …This happens a lot, doesn't it?

Hermes: Is it that obvious?

Annabeth Chase: How the Hades do you all put up with these petty arguments week after week? Doesn't it get tiring?

Ares: No.

Athena: Who said these arguments are petty? I'm just trying to support the fact that Poseidon is a Kelp Head.

Poseidon: And I'm trying to support the fact that I'm not!

Athena: Oh, don't be absurd. Of course you're a Kelp Head!

Poseidon: My gods, woman, I am not a Kelp Head! How many times do I have to say it before it sticks in your oversized brain?

Percy Jackson: Oh, Styx. This is going to get ugly real soon.

Artemis: Yes, I agree. Shall we move on to the next article before you two have the chance to strangle each other?

* * *

**ASK APHRODITE!**

_Written by Aphrodite_

Hi guys! So, this segment of AA is going to be a bit different; instead of answering normal sent-in questions, I'm going to answer the questions you gods sent me back in Issue 1! Let's get the Q and A started!

**Q: **Dear Aphrodite,

What's it going to take for you to stop insisting that Athena and I would make a great couple?

-Annoyed Sea God

**A: **Dear Annoyed Sea God,

I know it's really you, Poseidon. So, in that case… I will _never_ stop insisting that you and Athena would be super cute together! No matter what happens, I totally support Pothena, and I think everyone else should too! After all, relationships between enemies are adorable!

-Aphrodite

**Q: **Dear Aphrodite,

Why am I so flaming hot?

-The Most Awesome God

P.S. Note that that was in the form of a haiku.

**A: **Dear The Most Awesome God,

Hmm… I forget who sent this one in. But by the looks of it, I think you are… Ares! Oh, babe, you ask me to list the reasons I love you, huh? Okay. You make me _melt_ with your flaming eyes! And your tough-guy punk look? It's enough to make any girl drool! And you never told me you could write poetry! That haiku-question is just so beautiful and _romantic!_ Oh, Ares, that just makes me love you more, and I didn't even know that was possible!

-Aphrodite

_**39 Comments for "Ask Aphrod…"**_

Leo Valdez: Hey, Aphrodite, can you answer my question?

Dear Aphrodite,

How come I haven't attracted many girls yet? You'd think that I, being as hot as I am, would be a total chick magnet. How am I supposed to make them come running to me? I can't possibly become more awesome, so don't say that as an answer.

-Team Leo Totally ROCKS!

Piper McLean: Oh, gods. Leave it to my mom to write a love advice column.

Drew Tanaka: I know, right? It's amazing!

Aphrodite: That's my girl!

Ares: Aw, Aph! I love you too, babe. ;)

Thalia Grace: Love. Blech.

Poseidon: Of course you would support Pothena, Aphrodite. Why did I even bother asking that question?

Percy Jackson: Yeah, about the whole Pothena thing; Aphrodite, you realize that if our parents become a couple, me and Annabeth wouldn't be able to date anymore?

Aphrodite: Why not?

Annabeth Chase: Are you kidding me? It would be way too awkward.

Athena: Don't worry, Annabeth; Poseidon and I becoming a couple is NEVER going to happen.

Percy Jackson: Thank goodness.

Aphrodite: Well, that's too bad. But at least Percabeth is safe!

Luke Castellan: Percabeth? Give me a break. In my opinion, Lukabeth is much better.

Apollo: Wha-! Ares didn't submit that second question, _I_ did! I'm the most awesome god, not him!

Clarisse La Rue: Excuse me? My dad is definitely the best.

Apollo: Uh, no. I'm the best. But anyway, on the upside, Aphrodite admitted that my poetry is beautiful! Would you like to hear more of my amazing work?

Percy Jackson: NO!

Thalia Grace: Please! I'm begging you!

Artemis: Don't bother trying to argue with him, children. You know it's hopeless.

Apollo:

I am the best god.

Ares is _not_, 'cause I am

The ultimate best.

Artemis: …And this, children, is one of the reasons why we originally didn't let you participate in this newspaper. You wouldn't have survived the excess amount of terrible haikus.

Nico DiAngelo: Yeah. Got that.

Jason Grace: Really couldn't have made the message clearer.

Ares: Hey! How dare you say that I'm not the best god when I clearly am!

Apollo: I said it because it's true. _I'm _the best god.

Ares: Care to say that to my face, pretty boy?

Apollo: Yeah, tough guy. I AM THE BEST GOD.

Piper McLean: Here we go again.

Artemis: Just perfect. My brother is going to get his sorry butt kicked. Wait… that's a good thing! You may continue, boys.

Ares: You make stupid poems.

Apollo: You're way too overobsessed with violence.

Ares: Oh, it's _on! _You're so ugly that just the sight of you could turn Medusa herself into stone!

Apollo: Oh, yeah? Well, yo mama is so fat that when she gets in an elevator, it has to go down!

Annabeth Chase: …Uh-oh.

Hera: Excuse me, Apollo… but _WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!_

Apollo: Oh… hehe. Whoops.

Hera: Why, I oughta-

Athena: Okay, moving on!

* * *

**QUOTE OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Zeus_

"The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

-Dionysus, director of Camp Half-Blood

_**44 Comments for "Quote o…"**_

Percy Jackson: Whoa. Wine dude's got an attitude.

Leo Valdez: Hey, wine dude, you realize that this is just an open invitation to call you wine dude, right?

Annabeth Chase: Leo, don't. He's still a powerful god, wine dude or not!

Dionysus: Grr. I am not the wine dude! Stop calling me wine dude or, I swear, you will feel my wrath!

Apollo: Hey, Dionysus, I made up a haiku about you!

_Wine dude wine dude wine_

_Dude wine dude wine dude wine dude_

_Wine dude wine dude wine_

Do you like it?

Dionysus: Aargh!

Apollo: …So, is that a no?

Wine Dude: Yes, of course it's a no! I specifically tell you all _not_ to call me wine dude, and you go and do just that! Don't you people know how to listen?

Jason Grace: Yes, we do, Wine Dude.

Annabeth Chase: *giggles*

Percy Jackson: Leo, did you…?

Leo Valdez: Yes, I did. You may all stand back and admire my genius.

Wine Dude: What? What's so funny? What did he do?

Percy Jackson: Take a look at your username, _Wine Dude. _

Wine Dude: What's wrong with my- *gasps* LULU VIOLET! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!

Leo Valdez: Um, it's 'Leo Valdez', actually. And isn't it obvious what I did? I changed your username, duh.

Wine Dude: CHANGE IT BACK CHANGE IT BACK CHANGE IT BACK!

Jason Grace: No, don't!

Ares: Please!

Leo Valdez: All in favor of changing Wine Dude's name back?

Wine Dude: ME!

Leo Valdez: Anyone else?

***cricket… cricket…***

Leo Valdez: Well then, I guess that settles it. Sorry, Wine Dude, but you're out of luck.

Athena: You know, Leo, as entertaining as it is to call Dionysus 'Wine Dude', I suggest you change his name back before he turns you into a dolphin.

Poseidon: And what's wrong with dolphins?

Athena: They live under the sea, like you.

Apollo: UNDER THE SEA, UNDER THE SEA! DARLING IT'S BETTER DOWN WHERE IT'S WETTER, TAKE IT FROM ME!

Poseidon: Yes, thank you, Apollo. See, Athena? At least someone thinks it's better under the sea.

Athena: He wasn't agreeing with you, Kelp Head! He was comparing you to a little mermaid!

Percy Jackson: *sighs* I don't like mermaids. They didn't want to meet me.

Hazel Levesque: Oh, get over it, Mr. Popular.

Percy Jackson: But they didn't want to meet me.

Wine Dude: Blah, blah, blah, mermaids stink and all. We get it. Now, I think I'm in need of a username change.

Leo Valdez: Oh, fine. I'll change your username.

Wine Boy: Thank you kindly.

Leo Valdez: You're welcome, Wine Boy.

Wine Boy: HEY! You said you would change it back!

Leo Valdez: No, I said I would just change it. The word 'back' was never included in my promise.

Wine Boy: Okay, fine. Could you change it BACK now?

Leo Valdez: Hmm… nah. I think I'll leave it like that for a while.

Annabeth Chase: Okay, are we done here?

Athena: Yes, I believe so. And now, Demigod Week is finally over!

Artemis: Oh, thank the gods.

Athena: You're welcome.


	21. An Embarrassing Game Of Charades

**A/N: Hey guys! So... not too much to say today, other than HAPPY BAD POETRY DAY AND PERCY JACKSON'S BIRTHDAY! (AUG. 18) Well then, why don't we celebrate Percy's birthday with a bad poem?**

_Prophecy comes true_

_On Percy Jackson's b-day_

_And that is today!_

**Okay, now that that's done, hope you enjoy this next chapter! Just letting you know, it's a more random one...**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

**APOLLO'S POV**

You know when someone says that they have a brilliant idea and you agree to it, only to end up totally regretting your decision later on? Well, that's exactly what happened when Zeus suggested we had more 'Godly bonding time'. Now, I didn't think this was too bad at first. I thought we were just going to do something normal, like watch a movie. Unfortunately, Zeus had other plans.

Long story short, here we are now. Seven gods sitting in a circle. Playing charades. And having one of the most awkward experiences in our godly existence.

Right now, it was Arty's turn, and no one could figure out what the Hades she was doing. She just kept twirling around in circles, throwing in an occasional giggle here and there.

"Uh," Hermes said, furrowing his brow. "Is it Aphrodite?"

For the millionth time, Arty shook her head no and resumed her twirling.

"Is it you?" I guessed.

"Is it a fairy princess?" Ares suggested.

My sister let out a groan and smacked her forehead.

"You know what, I give up," she said, returning to her seat.

"Then what were you acting as?" I asked.

"You," she said.

Athena let out a soft giggle as I pouted and crossed my arms defiantly.

"Very funny," I said. "Because I _totally_ spend my free time twirling like a ballerina."

Arty just shrugged, and Hermes cleared his throat.

"My turn," he said as he picked up a card.

He looked at the card and rolled his eyes before turning to us.

"This will be an easy one," he said.

"Okay," Poseidon said. "Whenever you're ready."

Hermes stood up, paused for a second, then pointed to himself.

"You got yourself, didn't you?" Athena said as Hermes nodded.

"That's way too easy," Artemis said. "Go again."

Hermes picked up another card from the pile, examined it for a brief second, and set it down.

"Okay," he said. "Let's see if you can get this one."

He dragged his chair to the middle of the room, stood up on it, and started jumping. Then, he leaned back against the chair until it was knocked to the ground.

"This seems familiar…" Ares muttered.

"Wait," Athena said. "It's Poseidon breaking his throne! That has to be it!"

Hermes smiled and nodded in response.

"Really?" Poseidon said. "_That's_ the first thing that comes to mind when you think of me?"

"Well, it was effective, wasn't it?" Hermes replied with a grin as he sat back down.

"All right," Zeus said. "Apollo, it's your turn."

"Okay," I said, grabbing a card from the pile. "Watch and learn, everybody. I'll show you what good acting really looks like."

But the smirk wiped right off my face when I read the words written on the card.

"Uh," I said nervously. "Can I pick another card?"

"No," Arty said.

"But I can't do this!" I exclaimed.

"You're the god of the arts, aren't you?" Athena said. "So why can't you do it?"

"Well," I said slowly. "Would you _really_ like to see me act as Seductive Artemis?"

Instantly, Arty's jaw dropped open.

"NO!" she shrieked at me. "Pick another card! Please!"

"Thank you," I said.

I chose another card from the pile, but, sadly, it was even worse than the first.

Because, Zeus help me, I had to act as _Sexy Aphrodite._

I opened my mouth to protest, but Athena interrupted.

"If you're going to ask to pick another card, the answer is no."

"But I-"

"Apollo," Artemis said. "Just _go._"

I stood up awkwardly, trying to decide how in the world I was going to portray Sexy Aphrodite.

"Uh…" I said, blushing madly, beads of sweat forming on my face.

"Aw, what's the matter?" Ares teased. "Are you _scared?"_

"No, it's just that-"

"Brother," Artemis said sternly. "Shut up and act."

Sighing in defeat, I closed my eyes and gulped.

_Well, here goes..._

"I'm a little girly-girl," I said in my best Aphrodite voice. "Look at me! I'm so pretty!"

"No talking," Artemis said. "That's cheating."

_Oh, for crying out loud…_

"Okay, fine," I snapped at her. "I'll act."

Taking a deep breath, I started strutting forward, making sure to sway my hips with each step. When I got to the edge of the room, I turned around, put on my most winning smile, and struck a ridiculous pose.

"I think I know who it is," Hermes said, snickering.

"No, don't say it!" Ares said. "Let's see what else he's going to do."

I ran over to where my sister was sitting and leaped into her lap, pulling her face closer to mine as I fluttered my eyelashes and wore a seductive smile. I pursed my lips and leaned forward, the space between us growing closer and closer.

Thankfully, I pulled away at the last second, just before her palm could make contact with my cheek.

"Well," Athena said. "As entertaining as that was to watch, I suppose it's time to guess who you were acting as."

"Hmm…" Ares said with a smile. "I don't know. Why don't we let Apollo act some more?"

I glared at him. No way. _That_ was not happening again.

"Right," Arty said. "Since no one else wants to guess, then allow me. Though it was a rather, er, _unique_ representation of Aphrodite's behavior, I could still tell that my brother was trying to mimic her seductive antics. Am I right?"

I nodded and sent her a grateful smile.

"Very well," Zeus said. "Apollo, you may sit down."

I took my seat, my face bright red.

"That," I said, "was the single most embarrassing thing I have _ever_ had to do."

"I'll say," Ares laughed. "That was priceless!"

"Don't speak too soon, Ares," Athena said. "Because you're next."

"Oh, I'm not afraid of a little embarrassment," Ares said, reaching for a card. "I can handle _anything._"

He examined the card in his hand, the smirk on his face growing wider and wider.

"You know," he said, placing the card down. "I bet I could have some fun with this."

Ares stood from his seat and cracked his knuckles, but nobody expected what would happen next.

Right before our eyes, he started changing forms, causing everyone's jaws to drop simultaneously.

Because standing before us was Hades… holding a baby bottle… and dressed in nothing but a diaper.

And just like that, he was out the door before anyone could stop him, running rampid through Olympus.

"Young Hades," Hermes read from the card Ares had put down. "Well, at least that makes sense."

"_It makes sense?"_ Athena yelled, her face filled with horror. "He just ran out the door! What will people think when they see _that_ running through the streets?!"

As if on cue, we heard screams sounding from outside.

"Oh my gods," Artemis said. "He's scarring them for life! We have to do something!"

"No," Poseidon said. "We don't. Ares said he could handle anything, right? Let him handle this."

"So you're just going to let him do this?!" Athena said.

"Why not?" Hermes said. "It's funny."

"Well, one thing's for sure," I said, my smile growing larger. "I can't _wait_ to see the look on Hades's face when he finds out about this…"


	22. Issue XI

**A/N: Hey guys! So... not too much to say today, other than HAPPY FRANKENSTEIN DAY AND TOASTED MARSHMALLOW DAY (AUG. 30)! And I recently learned that August is 'Romance Awareness Month'... Aphrodite would like that. **

**Oh, and I almost forgot: I started my first community! So feel free to check that out if you want. :)**

**Peace out,**

**~silentwolf111**

* * *

Ω OLYMPUS WEEKLY Ω

"_The pen isn't always mightier than the sword…"_

ISSUE XI

* * *

**HADES THE BABY**

_Written by Demeter_

Yes, you read that title correctly; the so-called 'powerful' Lord of the Dead is nothing but a big baby. Literally. Just this past week, the citizens of Olympus were met with a terrifying sight when Hades decided to run around while wearing nothing but a diaper, as shown by the picture below. Witnesses have described the incident as 'inappropriate' and 'scary', but I however find Hades's new look suiting. I mean, I personally know better than anyone that Hades is such a baby; and I think it's about time that the rest of Olympus realizes that as well.

_**23 Comments for "Hades Th…"**_

Hades: WHAT?! WHEN DID _THAT_ HAPPEN?! I NEVER DID THAT!

Demeter: Oh, don't try to deny it, you Death Brat. We all saw it happen.

Aphrodite: Unfortunately. *shudders* That's one image I'll never get out of my mind.

Hera: Tell me about it… it was frightening, disgusting, absolutely dreadful-

Hades: A-_hem._ I do believe I've mentioned this before, sister dear, but I NEVER DID THAT!

Hephaestus: Then who did? There must be some explanation for this.

Dionysus; Maybe it could be the Mist.

Apollo: Or, maybe some gods were playing charades… and someone – oh, I don't know, maybe Ares – had to act as Young Hades… and so he dressed in a diaper and ran through Olympus. Just a thought.

Artemis: *facepalm*

Aphrodite: _What?_ Apollo, you douche, my boyfriend would_ never_ do something silly like that! Wherever did you get that idea from?

Ares: Yeah, Apollo. I would never do that.

Apollo: But you-

Ares: I didn't do it, pretty boy. End of story. Now you, on the other hand, almost kissed your sister. Care to explain?

Demeter: Whaaaaaat?!

Aphrodite: Eeeeek! You're in love with her, aren't you? Yes! It finally happened! I _knew_ it!

Apollo: Aphrodite, I'm not in love with her. I thought we established this.

Hephaestus: Then what happened?

Apollo: Uh… maybe during the charades game that I mentioned earlier – which may or may not be real – I had to act as Sexy Aphrodite, and so I pretended I was in love with Artemis. Hypothetically speaking, that is.

Aphrodite: So let me get this straight… you pretended to be me?

Apollo: That _may_ have happened.

Aphrodite: Uh-huh… So what else happened during this imaginary charades game of yours?

Apollo: Er, I think it might be best if you didn't know.

Athena: Agreed.

* * *

**WHAT ARE THEY REALLY CALLING US?**

_Written by Athena_

Well, we all know that the mortals have been referring to us for a long time. But every time they say our names, what are they _really_ calling us? I took it upon myself to investigate this mysterious question: what do our names mean? To find the answer, read the list below:

Zeus: "shine" or "sky"

Hera: "hero" or "period of time" or "to be chosen"

Poseidon: "husband, lord" or "earth"

Aphrodite: "foam"

Demeter: "earth mother"

Apollo: "strength" or "destroyer"

Artemis: "safe" or "a butcher"

Athena: "sharp" or "praise"

Ares: "ruin" or "male"

Hermes: "pile of stones"

Hephaestus: "the lame one" or "crafty"

Dionysus: "mountain"

_**23 Comments for "What Are Th…"**_

Zeus: How interesting… well done, Athena. I can now see that my name is as regal as I.

Athena: Thank you, father. Your compliment reflects upon the fact that my name means "praise."

Demeter: So my name means "earth mother"? How fitting!

Hermes: Speak for yourself. I'm nothing but a pile of stones.

Ares: Oh, yeah! I'm a manly man! _Boom,_ baby!

Apollo: I'm a strong destroyer? Really?

Artemis: Oh, you're a destroyer, all right. A destroyer of my patience.

Apollo: That may be so, but it seems like I'm not the only one who's destroying things around here, BUTCHER GIRL.

Artemis: Yes, about that; I'm no butcher! I'm a _huntress_, for crying out loud! I don't 'maniacally slaughter animals', thank you very much!

Hermes: But you still kill them… I don't see any difference.

Artemis: Ugh. Of course you wouldn't, you ignorant pile of stones.

Hera: What the Hades…? Does my name really have that many meanings?

Apollo: Well, it would explain the fact that you have many sides. There's the loving wife and the ruling queen, but then, deep down on the inside, there's the snarling, vicious, nasty old hag of a monster that we all hate.

Athena: … Oh, perfect. He did it again.

Hera: Yes, well, I'm not as offended as much this time because Apollo overlooked the fact that my name also means 'hero'. And indeed I am.

Aphrodite: Oh, come on! Out of all pretty things to name me after, they choose _foam?_

Athena: Actually, it suits you, since you were born from foam.

Aphrodite: Still, foam's not pretty!

Hermes: But you are.

Aphrodite: Aww! That's so sweet! Thanks, pile of stones.

Hermes: Why does everyone keep calling me that?

Athena: It's what your name means. Technically, people have been calling you that for centuries.

Hermes: … You know what, that's just depressing. Can we move on to the next article now?

* * *

**POLL: WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE DISNEY CHARACTER?**

_Written by Artemis_

Other than Hercules, of course. I think we can all agree that no one likes that movie.

_**21 Comments for "Poll: What's Yo…"**_

Hera: Ugh, tell me about it. By far the most mythologically incorrect version I've ever seen.

Athena: My favorite Disney character? I'd have to say Belle from Beauty and the Beast, since she loves to read.

Hephaestus: I think I'm most like Quasimodo from the Hunchback of Notre Dame. So he's my favorite.

Apollo: And I'm most like the hero of that movie, Phoebus! Since he's named after me! (And he fell in love with a pretty lady, if I do say so myself.) How cool is that?

Poseidon: And I like Triton from The Little Mermaid, since he's named after my son. Although it really doesn't help that his wife's name is Athena... But she died, so it's all cool.

Hermes: I personally admire Aladdin. He's almost exactly like me; he's a thief, he has a magical item that helps him fly, and he later becomes royalty.

Demeter: I like Pocahontas, since she loves nature.

Artemis: I like her too. Plus she loves animals as well. Now, on the other hand, I absolutely despise Mulan. A girl who _wants_ to be a man? Simply disgusting!

Aphrodite: I think I like Cinderella. After all, it's one of the most well-known and romantic love stories out there!

Zeus: My favorite Disney character? I would have to say myself, of course.

Athena: Other than that?

Zeus: Uh… I've got nothing. None of the other rulers are even close to being as powerful as I.

Athena: Of course they're not.

Dionysus: Hmm… favorite Disney character… I don't know.

Hermes: Perhaps Tarzan? Seeing how you're a wild savage?

Dionysus: Ah, I got it! That man who lived in the jungle with all the gorillas! Terry, I think it was.

Hermes: His name was _Tarzan._ And that's what I said.

Dionysus: Who is this 'Tarzan' you speak of? Never heard of him.

Hermes: But you just said you liked him!

Dionysus: I said I liked _Terry, _not this weird 'Tarzan' man. Who is he, anyway?

Hermes: Oh, never mind.

* * *

**QUOTE OF THE WEEK!**

_Written by Ares_

"Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say."

-Ares, God of War

_**32 Comments for "Quote Of…"**_

Ares: And I totally agree with myself.

Athena: You _like_ to watch us fight? That's sick.

Ares: Not only do I like to watch fights, I can start them as well! Watch this: Apollo, Artemis, who's older?

Artemis: Nope. Not today. We're not falling for your little fight scheme, Ares. Isn't that right, Apollo?

Apollo: Right, little sis. We're done with this topic.

Artemis: Don't call me 'little sis'.

Apollo: Why not? That's what you are.

Artemis: No, I'm not. I suggest you refer to me either by my name or 'older sis'.

Apollo: Now why would I do that when I'm older?

Artemis: You're not older! I am!

Apollo: No, I am!

Artemis: I am!

Ares: See? I told you I could start a fight easily.

Athena: Well, with these two, _anything_ has the potential to become a full-blown argument. Like this: CAKE.

Apollo: Ooh, I like cake! Arty, do you have some cake? I want some cake.

Artemis: Why on Olympus would I have cake, you idiot?

Apollo: I'm not an idiot! You are!

Artemis: No, you are!

Apollo: You are!

Athena: My point exactly.

Ares: Hey, this is fun. What else can we get them to argue about?

Artemis: Nothing, since we're finished.

Ares: Aww! Now who should we get to fight? Oh, I know… Hey, Demeter, where's your precious daughter? You know, the one Hades stole away from you?

Demeter: She's in the Underworld, visiting that disgusting Death Brat. Why do you ask?

Ares: Because it seems that Hades gets to spend more time with her than you do, when you're her poor, loving mother.

Demeter: Hmm… it does seem that way, doesn't it?

Athena: NO! Demeter, don't listen to him! He's purposely trying to make you angry!

Demeter: Nonsense. Ares is right! Hades can't hog Persephone all to himself, you know!

Athena: *facepalm* Oh, great. Ares, what were you thinking? Now she's going to go on another one of her endless rants about Hades.

Ares: Well, it's just like I said earlier: There's nothing like watching your relatives fight!

Athena: I hope you're happy.

Ares: Oh, I am.


End file.
